Sex All The Time
Go figure. I’ve just been labeled a sex addict. Not unusual for someone writing a sex blog you say? Well…. I’m not so sure. I took an online test and it seems that there is a considerable possibility that I might be bordering on or well on the way of becoming a sex addict! The thing is though I’m pretty sure that if my 79-year-old aunt took this test, she could be labeled one as well. Which brings me to the question – can one really be a sex addict?
It seems I’m not the only one seized of the question. The notion that people can suffer from sex addiction is one of the most hotly debated topics in psychology. In fact, frequent reports of bizarre sexual excess have spawned competing ideas about what causes the behaviour and how to treat it.
The group that believes in it says sexual addiction is when you feel a complete loss of control and are willing to risk any consequence for a pleasure that gets you so hooked that you cannot stop. The group that doesn’t simply say it can’t be an addiction because there is no substance involved. It adds that the phenomenon isn’t a disorder but rather something that is borne out of cultural influences.
Dr. Erick Janssen, the Director of Education & Research Training at The Kinsey Institute, puts it aptly. “According to some, sexual addiction seems in the eye of the beholder, or in the eyes of his or her therapist,” he stated.
I buy the cultural thingie. Everyone knows modern society is under a barrage of sexual stimulation, unparalleled in recorded history. Sexual liberation, which took off in the 60s, has produced acute confusion. Teen-sex at one end of the lifespan and Viagra at the other has meant decades more carnality. Cybersex has created a whole new population of Internet addicts. So in a way, it’s perhaps not an exaggeration to say sexual stimulation is at an all-time high. And just maybe people are having more sex than before.
But what I don’t understand is that if there were such a thing as sex addiction – how would one treat it? Well it turns out pretty much the same way you treat an addiction like drugs or alcohol. Work towards “sobriety”. That may work for alcoholics but can get pretty confusing when you target sex addiction. What is sexual sobriety? Is it abstinence? – Which surely isn’t for everybody. Is it missionary sex? Safe sex? Once a week on Sunday afternoons? No masturbating while on the Internet? You see the problem….
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(The Sexaholic-a new movie by William Goodson coming soon to a theatre near you.)
Apparently the solution is that you work out your own levels of “sobriety – which you are comfortable with and feel normal. So if you’re having an affair with three people in office – limit it to one. Jerking off thrice a day – why don’t you just do it once? Like to have sex on the first date – try it after the third. And on and on.
In the end, I’m still pretty much confused if there is such a thing like sex addiction. I’m sure people feel like they’re addicts. And in such cases the Alcohol Anonymous way to sobriety may actually be a solution – since that may make them feel better about themselves. Then again, I’m sure there are people who feel a deep yearning to have sex all the time despite the consequences and feel it’s just their hormones on overdrive – a completely natural urge.
To each his own I say.
As for me…if there is such a thing as sexual addiction, I hope I die of it during a ten-hour bout of compulsive full tilt sex at the age of 85!