Hindustan Times
Sex All The Time
Go figure. I’ve just been labeled a sex addict. Not unusual for someone writing a sex blog you say? Well…. I’m not so sure. I took an online test and it seems that there is a considerable possibility that I might be bordering on or well on the way of becoming a sex addict! The thing is though I’m pretty sure that if my 79-year-old aunt took this test, she could be labeled one as well. Which brings me to the question - can one really be a sex addict?
It seems I’m not the only one seized of the question. The notion that people can suffer from sex addiction is one of the most hotly debated topics in psychology. In fact, frequent reports of bizarre sexual excess have spawned competing ideas about what causes the behaviour and how to treat it.
Celebrities like David Duchovny have admitted they are sex addicts.
The group that believes in it says sexual addiction is when you feel a complete loss of control and are willing to risk any consequence for a pleasure that gets you so hooked that you cannot stop. The group that doesn’t simply say it can’t be an addiction because there is no substance involved. It adds that the phenomenon isn’t a disorder but rather something that is borne out of cultural influences.
Dr. Erick Janssen, the Director of Education & Research Training at The Kinsey Institute, puts it aptly. “According to some, sexual addiction seems in the eye of the beholder, or in the eyes of his or her therapist,” he stated.
I buy the cultural thingie. Everyone knows modern society is under a barrage of sexual stimulation, unparalleled in recorded history. Sexual liberation, which took off in the 60s, has produced acute confusion. Teen-sex at one end of the lifespan and Viagra at the other has meant decades more carnality. Cybersex has created a whole new population of Internet addicts. So in a way, it’s perhaps not an exaggeration to say sexual stimulation is at an all-time high. And just maybe people are having more sex than before.
But what I don’t understand is that if there were such a thing as sex addiction - how would one treat it? Well it turns out pretty much the same way you treat an addiction like drugs or alcohol. Work towards “sobriety”. That may work for alcoholics but can get pretty confusing when you target sex addiction. What is sexual sobriety? Is it abstinence? - Which surely isn’t for everybody. Is it missionary sex? Safe sex? Once a week on Sunday afternoons? No masturbating while on the Internet? You see the problem….
(The Sexaholic-a new movie by William Goodson coming soon to a theatre near you.)
Apparently the solution is that you work out your own levels of “sobriety - which you are comfortable with and feel normal. So if you’re having an affair with three people in office - limit it to one. Jerking off thrice a day - why don’t you just do it once? Like to have sex on the first date - try it after the third. And on and on.
In the end, I’m still pretty much confused if there is such a thing like sex addiction. I’m sure people feel like they’re addicts. And in such cases the Alcohol Anonymous way to sobriety may actually be a solution - since that may make them feel better about themselves. Then again, I’m sure there are people who feel a deep yearning to have sex all the time despite the consequences and feel it’s just their hormones on overdrive - a completely natural urge.
To each his own I say.
As for me…if there is such a thing as sexual addiction, I hope I die of it during a ten-hour bout of compulsive full tilt sex at the age of 85!
(5 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...Posted by Vijay Thapa on Monday, July 6, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Filed under Between The Sheet · Tagged david, Dr. Erick Janssen, Duchovny, sex addict, Viagra
(4.75 out of 5)
The fact that I was checking out daily for your recent post and am reading this as the first thing in morning makes me a sex addict.But i wish to add one more viewpoint.Currently being a forced bachelor,its but natural that the thing occupies my mind on a big scale.And being 40 plus in India makes it sure that one should not look forward to escapades of good variety.So what i mean to say is that may be a majority of us addicts are due to the fact that we dont get sufficient doses to douse the fires of passion.And in case any ladies are reading this would love to know if there are addicts among them also or the stereotyping of women being a searcher of emotional security is right?
[Reply]
Well said, Rakesh. The Western notion of such an addiction may not hold true here in India, characterised by more forced restraint than in your face, carefree encounters. The equation is reversed here - at an age when people in more liberal societies may actually drop their inhibitions and go in for it without any hang ups, here in India the act past a certain age (differs by social strata perhaps) gains a level of stigma. Also, instead of an ‘empty nest’ (providing ample opportunities!) after a cetain age as in the West, here our nest tends to become more crowded, hardly affording a second of privacy. So all that talk of simply cuddling up any time without necessarily expecting anything, leading perhaps to more healthy physical relations later in the day, is talk for the birds.
So the ‘addiction’ here is more in the mind than in the act. Would you call a hungry person as ‘addicted’ to food if he’s looking at an attractive food item?
[Reply]
yes deb,you are right.i was hoping some intersting views,but seems the topic is too risky that people are not even commenting.
[Reply]
Deb Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Touche! Who wants to take the risk (even anonymously!)?
[Reply]
Sex addict ? Try ‘orgasmic meditation’. Or at least that’s what the sex Guru Vijay might recommend !
[Reply]
nutsure,basic problem is to find the partner,so your solution faces a basic flaw.and if one gets a partner,where is the need for meditation.
Just joking,have tried tantric sex,and its quite different.Could not practice quite often otherwise would have been out of the loop by now.
[Reply]
LOL !!
To all you guys out there.. especially those who took the test…
I’m 31, F. Ive been in a monogamous and LONG DISTANCE 9 yr marriage, NEVERR cheated, had access to very minimal pornography. The only time in life i’ve “cheated” is when i was a teenager on mad-*** hormones, and even then didnt go the whole hog.
Im now single and in a monogamous (in my head) online virtually sexual fling. Rarely ever view porn.
And that test said i have sexually compulsive behavior and am a sex addict since it causes disruption to my daily life. So not to worry… everythings ok as long as u dont self destruct. the analysis and tests and therapists are bullshit.
And btw.. the answer is yes.. some women do crave detached, no-strings, fun sex… but dont indulge as easily as men do due to other factors such as safety issues if with strangers, and social stigma of being labeled if within their own networks.
[Reply]
rakesh Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Thanks heavens i didnt take the test,otherwise it would have suggested that I should be sent to orbit,and not fit to live on earth.I mean if it cud label her holiness,tia,a maniac,it wud hv been a natural injunction for me.
Thanks tia,am glad that pure souls still roam the streets.
And let me clear that everything that i hv written is supposed to be pure humour,and pls take in that sense only.We are getting anyway too few people to this ‘dirty’ blog,and i dont wish to make a rare member of brigade angry.
[Reply]
i’d agree with you Rakesh, that our focus on sex and all things sexual largely come from the fact that we do live repressed lifes, thereby making us sex addicts.
and yes women too can crave sex but are often into self denial. our society is not one which allows women to openly express their sexuality, desires, fantasies and so on.
[Reply]
rakesh Reply:
July 29th, 2009 at 8:58 am
why women only rose,it barely allows men also to express themselves openly.in that i feel there is not much difference between males and females.its the position in social hierarchy that makes it mandatory for women to be in denial mode,i feel.lot of young women who are tasting freedom are dropping inhibitions,slow and steady though.
and regarding expressing ourselves,i think men are more forthcoming in all societies,women being too passionately involved in the act to think about it afterwards.
needless to say,these are my views and would love to hear comment from everyone.
[Reply]
Well, women do have their Quota of hormones etc.But, if a woman tries to express herself in all societies she is immediately labelled as a woman of loose morals.Men, however are perceived as studs.
[Reply]
things are changing,rinku.see how people are queeing up to get married to rakhi sawant.
[Reply]
sure they are queueing up to marry her, but how many of them would accept her if she were to describe her sexual fantasies? the one small bit that i saw of that serial, had rakhi acting all demure and shy, rather virginal instead of the sexy item girl. I am not sure if that is the trend thruout, though.
[Reply]
rose,does rakhi still needs to describe her fantasies when she is openly playing out the same,in disguise though.
[Reply]
Rose Reply:
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
[Reply]
I have had enough sex from extramarital and merital in my 30 years in this earth.I used to buy condomes from a same shop at Tollygunj / Kolkata evry week for a year or two in my early twenties.
The poor shop keeper thought that i am a sex maniac or a regular to a nearby resident’s wife, which exactly i was.For the sake of his social and moral urge he followed me one day till i sensed him.
perhaps he could’nt berar the fact that ,a boy of his half age, having the full cake from his local plate and he is just offerring the spoon every time.perhaps he din’t sleep for days.
Then the very next time he asked me where do i live and why do i buy a pack of three evry week.why not a full pack of twenty.
I said that i am practicing to master over buying condoms as most bengali men feel shy to it.
He just got furius over it and started to abuse me with other two standing his side,untill a lady customer came in and i frisked away.
I didn’t go there for next six monts.
I had a meternal brother with whome i was pretty attached , though he was junior of 6 years.Our regular intimacy raised his mothers eyebrow and branded me as a gey. I would love to be gay but unfortunately i am not.I have not met him for years.
now i am married for last six months, having so called healthy sex life.Even there my wife finds me dificult to understand,calls me bias of sex, as i showed her the great ANDRES SERRANO’s artwork
SEMEN & BLOOD and the cover of Metallica’s load album.
SEX is a taboo in all the way whether its extramarital or marital or eles.
[Reply]