Hindustan Times
Shades of Sexuality
Many years ago, after attending a conference on sexual diversity, I found myself sitting in a gay bar in Colaba (the first of its kind in India I was told) - sharing a drink with some of the speakers. One of them (who had just started a movement urging homosexuals not to get into heterosexual marriages) was telling me how he thought a large percentage of men in India were bisexual. It was like lighting a stick of dynamite in that dark dank bar. The mostly gay crowd exploded in anger - and the lesson I learnt that day was that homosexual men just hate the label bisexual. “Anybody who calls himself bisexual is a liar,” shouted out a famous gay activist.
What is about bisexuals that evoke such anger among gay and straight communities? To put it simply - it threatens both positions. Bisexuality vanishes when you divide sexual orientation into black and white compartments of gay and straight. But if you emphasise it - a third distinct orientation opens up, one that cocks a snook at the other two.
Bisexuality has always evoked arguments of the extreme kind. Gay people look at bisexuals as confused homosexuals or lesbians who are unable to or unwilling to accept their true sexual orientation. Heterosexuals, on the other hand, feel bisexuality is just a by-product of repression - one that goes away when you find a partner of the opposite sex. Or explain it away (like Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian fling) as an experimental or transitional phase for people who are uncertain or have a fear of commitment.
Whatever. The thing is, bisexuality is a pretty subversive concept. You would think that the human ability to love people of both sexes would be a wonderful thing. On the contrary, bisexuality threatens to rupture conservative social structures. Think of it - a bisexual desires both men and women. That straightaway defeats monogamy. Bisexuality, it can be argued, because of its very nature leads to promiscuity and instability, often leading to complicated relationships.
Kinsey's own seminal study found that 46 per cent of American men and 12 per cent of women had had sexual experiences with both sexes. Courtesy: www.myspace.com
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Freud said bisexuality was a “universal disposition” - but people become homosexual or heterosexual depending on their early experiences of love and sensation. Alfred Kinsey, on the other hand, mapped human sexuality on a scale of zero to 6, with zero representing exclusively heterosexual behavior and 6 exclusively homosexual behaviors — bisexuality was the balance that held the extremes together.
Sexual identity is often complex. In India, many men who have sex with men do not consider themselves to be either bisexual or gay unless they take the passive-receptor role during sex. Studies indicate that lesbians sometimes sleep with men. And it is a recorded fact that bisexualtiy exists among both male and female adoloscents. Kinsey’s own seminal study found that 46 per cent of American men and 12 per cent of women had had sexual experiences with both sexes.
So where does this all put us? I’m not so sure. Trouble is there is very little research about bisexuality in India. There are hints that it is rampant among males - especially married males. What is even more troubling is that they are being portrayed as stealth assassins - bringing sexual diseases like AIDS to their unsuspecting wives. Campaigns aimed at gay men asking them not to get married isn’t going to work - simply because a bisexual prefers both sexes. In his mind, unlike a gay man, marriage to a woman is a desirable thing.
The only way forward in my mind is for both gay and straight communities to accept that there are shades to sexuality. Being rigid about their sexuality isn’t good for both gays and straights. Because, in the end, sexuality works at an individual level and is constantly changing and evolving with time. Looking at it from that viewpoint, there can be no such thing as “normal”.
(5 votes, average: 4.8 out of 5)
Loading ...Posted by Vijay Thapa on Monday, May 25, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Filed under Sex and Relationships · Tagged bisexual, bisexuality, heterosexual marriages, homosexuals, India, sexual, sexuality
I think that a lot of men in India engage in homo-erotic behaviour simply because they do not have access to the opposite sex. I know several Indian men who admitted that during their teens, due to not being able to date and romance girls, they had sexual experiences with other teen males. They said there was no “attraction”, no kissing, no foreplay, just anal intercourse. Basically the male teens used each other as mastabatory aids and devices. They said it all stopped once they grew up and were able to have sex with women.
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Kamal Asnani Reply:
May 26th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I have to agree with Aghori Girl/Ghar Jamai.
The sexes seperation at all levels is just too much in India. Males testosterone levels peak at 18-25 and they do anything for a bone loosener. In fact the desperation and sexual immaturity in Indian males persists i feel even later when they do get married also. So at various ages both sexes, males more than females resort to all sorts of sexual releases, bi, homo, incest, etc etc
In the western world where dating etc is allowed these problems seldom arise. Whne they do its due to boredom and experimaentation.
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Interesting article! It was rather surprising to learn that homosexuals may not be so comfortable with the idea of bisexuality. I have always been of the opinion that acceptance of homosexuality means acceptance of the idea of choice and inclination. Why then, do homosexuals themselves find bisexuality reprehensible?? It is also rather sad to read some of the reactions to your blog which root bisexuality (like homosexuality!) in some kind of repression. Why people fail to understand the idea of choice is beyond me!
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D10, I personally don’t know any homosexuals who are anti-bisexuality. Maybe this is just an “Indian thing”?
But sexuality plays out differently in different cultures and in India, homo erotic behaviour is very much a result of repression and sex segregation. Same sex boarding schools also have that reputation.
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I don’t think gay men find the idea of ‘genuine’ bisexuality reprehensible, and by genuine I mean those relationship which are not a facade to conform to hetero-normative behaviour.
Cheating on a wife while one sleeps around with all the men, that’s abhorring.
However, I do strongly object to the word ‘choice’ which people loosely throw in any discussion on sexuality. People do not choose to be gay, bi or straight. It’s the way people are. On aghori girl’s comment, I’d like to say that repression and sex segregation is something that is a perception in urban india. Rural india ( around 70% of population) is sexually quiet liberated and sexual experimentation takes place between opposite sex more than same sex there. So blaming gay behavior to repression will not be the best explanation.
Some people are gay. period.
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I found the article not very enlightening and the reactions are equilly confusing.May be the subject is such that everyone reacts on the basis of perceptions and not personal experiences.I know a few friends of mine who experimented in college with other guys and slowly waned away.Why gays hate bisexuals,acc to me is they already are living on edge and might think that the people who are enjoying family life are experimenting with gays for just having fun and that they cant offer any commitements in relationship.
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Different shades of sexuality depends in which phase the mind of an individual is trapped. The child developement has four phases of sexuality. There is an oral phase, anal phase, phallic phase and the latency phase. Almost every individual passes through these phases in lesser or a greater degree. Issue becomes more complex when the sexuality is fixed. Bisexualty if treated as infidelity, either in straight or a gay/lesbian marriages should clear the air surrounding the mindset. Infidelity again has different shades in various stratas of society. In that case there may be a demand to legalize infidelity !!
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Rural India is very large (most of the population lives in a rural setting). I have been to many rural areas and I ask; where and when is the oppurtunity for young unmarried women to have lovers?
I’ve not seen it. The women are with the women, the men with the men, in general.
Can people sneak around? I’m sure some do. But really, I don’t think its as open a society as you are claiming.
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If 70% of the population live in rural area, and some social trend is seen over there, why do we equate it with basic human psychology like sexuality. We can view it from two perspectives. Either analyse it from a demographic point of view or from an entirely basic human psychological point of view. This article has done a wonderful job of analysing and putting forward the later point of view. Thus we can’t generalise something as basic human nature if its seen in 70% of indian population as in that case there will be many other social factors like economic independence, culture, moral values etc into play.
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Firstly, engaging in sexual activities during adolescence shud not be seen as bisexuality or bisexual behaviour. as has been stated in the article and the comments, bi-curiosity during teenage can have a variety of causes and any discussion about the same wud generate as many opinions as the number of people discussing the issue.
i think bisexuality wud be engaging in sexual activities with individuals from both the sexes for a prolonged period and well after then end of adolescence. and as far as the genuineness of bisexuals is concerned, then i think that if a person engages and most importantly enjoys sexual activities with people from both sexes then he or she is a genuine bisexual and there cant be two opinions on that.
if u r a non-bisexual and have passed ur bi-curious teenage years, then the idea of having sex with a member of the sex which u dont prefer wud be abhorrent to u. now if a person like u engages and enjoys in sexual activities with a person from the non-preferred sex over a long period of time, then he/she has to be a bisexual.
now as to why certain homosexuals dont believe that bisexuality is not genuine is because at some point of their lives, they must have considered the option of coming out of the closet and declaring that they are bisexuals and not homosexuals as according to the general but massively flawed unspoken consensus, bisexuality is ‘better’ than homosexuality because in the former u r atleast attracted to the persons of the opposite sex. coming out of the closet in such a manner has another advantage: one can engage in homosexual behaviour and yet be a part of the heterosexual group. thus homosexuals believe that people who claim they are bisexuals are faking it to not face as much chagrin as a gay. and they are aggressively convinced of this argument because they think that the bisexual concerned does not have enuf audacity unlike him/her to come out completely of the closet and also in this manner the concerned bisexual person doesnt contribute as much towards the LGBT movement (which sadly in recent times is talked of as a gay movement) as they think they do.
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Sankalp,i feel that homosexuals are doing the same thing that they have been opposing.That is not respecting individual choice.I feel that if any person is attracted to people of both the sexes in a sexual way and enjoys the same,we should respect his/her feelings and let him/her enjoy in both the ways.I certainly feel that they must be leading a better and richer life,sexually.
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