Hindustan Times
Porn Parody
Some one once told me that he saw the Internet as this huge invisible machine in cyberspace that was sorting out the human race on the basis of their likes and dislikes. It’s not that far away from the truth is it? At least as far as porn goes.
While surfing these days, I’m always shocked and awed by the depth and ……broadness of what’s out there. Just about anything imaginable (or even unimaginable) is just a click away. It’s as if the Internet allowed all these erstwhile weirdos to crawl out of every rock and proclaim: “Hey we aren’t weird. We’re a whole new subculture.”
I’ve always searched hard for an intelligent reaction to this mammoth proliferation of porn. And I think I’ve found it. It’s called Furniture Porn. And before you ask… “No, I haven’t become one of those weirdos myself.” The thing about furniture porn is that it isn’t just about people who like to see pictures of chairs poised in such a way that it looks like they’re doing the whoopee. It’s the humour of the site that pretends very cleverly to be a real “Triple-X barely legal awesome action you won’t believe it you’ll never go anywhere else join now for only $3.95 a month site.”
Hot action, out in the open.
After pressing the “ENTER” button - you’re taken into a secret world of our furniture caught in hidden camera or with consenting models. There’s Lance, a “virile overstuffed armchair,” in the full upright and locked position with Debbi, “a pink baroque beauty.” “When the owner’s away, wow, do they play!!!” Then there’s the black bondage chair, all bound up with rope because apparently, “Baby did a bad, bad thing.” For those with different tastes there’s - “hot gay lawn chair sluts.” And for the truly twisted among the human population, there is the “Amateur Page” in which you’ll find grandma’s old satiny pink sitting chair being ravished by a frumpy brown velour reading chair.
Furniture Porn is the brainchild of a man called T Mike Childs, who came up with the idea after he received a gift of two chairs. He recalls being struck by how masculine one chair looked and how feminine the other. Alone at home with time to kill, he suddenly found himself compelled to pose the chairs and take some pictures. After developing the roll, he felt embarrassed and he put away the pictures and forgot about them.
A year later, they kind of resurfaced. And this time, he showed them to his office mates - all of whom found it hilarious. Voila! - Furniture Porn was born. The site started with just one page - but quickly attracted many, many more galleries (and video) to make it big. It straightaway struck a chord. The site now has immense popularity, mostly fueled by a viral word-of-mouth method. People think it’s hilarious and they tell all their friends, and the e-mails start flying around. So much so that Childs, after many, many years ( the site was started in 1996) still gets mails saying “You’ve got to check out this site.”
Diaz, Barrymore and Liu -- topless and sizzling!
A lot of this success has to do with the fact that the satire works so well - right down to the captions, the warning page and even the alt tags. But what makes the site really work is that the chairs really do look like they’re gettin’ it on. Somehow Childs has been able to capture the porn milieu without being dirty at all - and, more importantly, making fun of some of the tropes and conventions of the genre. Childs says he’s never heard from any real pornographers, though he is occasionally approached by real porn sites that want to trade banners. He ignores those because he wants his “porn” site to be “family friendly!”
Future plans for Furniture Porn may include an amateur section in which people can submit pictures of their own randy furniture. But, Childs says, even in this complete amoral plane his “porn” site does take stands. The Furniture Porn team apparently had a “serious” discussion if they should get some of those kiddie plastic chairs and pose them with mature adult chairs and carry out a photo shoot. But that’s where they drew the line.
Does that make sense?
(6 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
Loading ...Posted by Vijay Thapa on Monday, May 4, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Filed under Sex and Relationship · Tagged cybersex, cyberspace, Furniture Porn, Porn parody, porn site, pornography, T Mike Childs
wow, a weird post indeed …. C’mon, furniture porn ?? Who’s even “buying” it ???
How did u get so “Turned On” by it to search about it, let alone write a post on it !!!
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Ankur — you don’t need to buy it — just pose your furniture and take some photos
The seriously the reason I liked the site was as I say the way it parodies the other porn sites with something so innocuous as furniture!
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There is similar stuff with vegetables, fruits, desserts, plastics etc. etc.
Can we get back to the regular stuff please?
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Sorry if I let you down with this post Atul. But that’s what came to mind when I sat to blog last week. Hope you’ll like the other posts.
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Of course, the Internet is just a reflection of the varied species that human beings are. And by varied I mean horny. And by reflection I mean vast-horde-of-every-possible-sexual-deviation.
There’s Rule 34 that governs such things. http://xkcd.com/305/
People ingesting just about every possible thing through every possible ******* is something, and other people watching it over the Internet and accepting that… well, it’s making us a better organism I believe.
Just my thoughts….
BTW, that furniture porn link in your article is broken (has a double http)
- Fly, You Fools
An Indian Webcomic about life, and its irritations
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Fly, You Fools — agree with you completely. And sorry about the broken link. It’s been fixed.
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Vijay — loved this post. Think what most people commenting don’t get is the subtle protest to the porn bazaar on the net. It’s hilarious and it makes fun of the porn genre in a great way.
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Tks Jayanto
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Thanks for your refined take on an issue embarrassing to many. Keep it up.
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Tks Deb
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I get turned on by almost anything. The furniture thing does look sexy but frightening. I get a weird feeling that my tools might get chopped or arse ripped on one of these contraption. Would prefer a priestly position on a regular carpet any day.
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Nutsure — at least you’ll never sit in your sofa the same way again.
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Why pine for chairs and sofas when I am here?
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Nutsure Reply:
May 6th, 2009 at 7:40 am
Paiye lagoo Savita Bhabhi. It was one of those 101 questions, always wanted to ask but was always afraid to. Now that you made your presence felt Vijay will rock !!
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vijay: where dyu dig out these priceless nuggets from? awesome..
the visual of debby & lance on the homepage seems tame in contrast with the look n feel of the rest of the page though.
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Tks Driftwood….get them from some solid research. Benefits of writing a sex blog
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with due apologies to savita bhabhi,whom i viewed briefly more than a year ago,and thought to be an authentic indian answer to western porn,furniture stuff is more intersting.at least it has got more scope for creativity.
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Vijay Jung Thapa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Rakesh — I completely agree!
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nut sure,is the question savita bhabhi asking,one of your 101????
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Nutsure Reply:
May 11th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
“Tongue tied” either way !!
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hope only the tongue is tied and hands are free.eyes are always open anyway.
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