Score: Rooney Jr 1, Rooney Sr 0
He is 232 days old, but has a wicked sense of humour. He introduces himself as the “youngest Twitter scribe in the world.” He is an infant, who probably hasn’t even learnt to walk or hold himself upright, but tweets everyday. His profile picture is that of Shrek’s baby – a little green ogre with ears shaped like mini vuvuzelas. And ever since the World Cup kicked off on June 11, his popularity has skyrocketed, so much so that the account added 300 people over a space of two days. He is Kai Wayne Rooney, ‘baby, son of Wazza and Colin.’
After Colleen Rooney gave birth to little Rooney (who was christened Kai) in November 2009, many users of the micro-blogging website created accounts on the child’s behalf. Twitter names like @kairooney and @kaiwaynerooney were quickly snapped up. On hitting the search button, Twitter shows six profiles. And @kaiwayne is gaining new followers everyday, with 2,966 of them by Monday night.
He might follow in the footsteps of famous celebrity babies like Brooklyn and Romeo Beckham (we can easily guess who the father is). But Kai Rooney is already two steps ahead – his mischievous updates and slapstick sense of humour has made him the most followed baby on Twitter. No one knows the actual brains behind the tweets, but followers are logging in to laugh and snicker at the digs and jibes aimed towards players and teams in South Africa.
After England’s shambolic performance against Algeria (when they were held to a goalless draw), Kai (or the person behind him) tweeted: “Text to daddy: Stop being an arse. I am 7 months old and have never seen you score an England goal. Do it on Wednesday or you can piss off.” England play Slovenia on Wednesday in a must-win game and need Rooney to fire on all cylinders. If they lose, the Three Lions can pack their bags and beat a hasty retreat to Heathrow, where Rooney can find solace in the cuddles of the real Kai.
As a Father’s Day gift, baby Kai tweeted a four-line poem, “Like the last rose of summer needs the cool autumnal rain, the lost heartbroken poet needs the tragedy and pain, you’re my hero in a world that’s filled with darkness and disdain, but fail to score on Wednesday and mum’s fucking off to Spain.” That’s some child adoration! And for next day’s training, he said, “Text from daddy: Training went better this morning though. We tried something called Passing. Definitely works. We might try it on Wednesday.”
And when an angry fan (Pavlos Joseph) broke into the England dressing room after the match against Algeria, Kai tweeted, “Text from daddy: Kai, the Gaffer’s getting desperate I think. He’s just asked that Pavlos Joseph intruder bloke if he can play wide left.” We have already seen Fabio Capello anxious and worried with the lack of tooth his team has displayed so far.
After France were hammered 2-0 by a classy Mexico in their second match, Kai wrote a mail to Monsieur Thierry Henry (him of the classic Hand of Dog against the Republic of Ireland in the World Cup qualifiers). The tweet said, “email@example.com – Dear Mr Henry, having trouble getting over last night’s drubbing? Let me know if you need a hand.. Kai.”
And after the ongoing Gallic wars and internecine fighting in the camp, Kai tweeted, “A massive thank you should go to the French squad. If it wasn’t for those mad bastards, we’d (England) look even more of a fucking shambles.”
And it just doesn’t end here. Kai takes pot shots at the England team and any thing worth a laugh during the tournament (and even beyond it, he also tweets on Wimbledon and Roger Federer). Baby Kai is praised and applauded by his followers. One calls him “a little green genius”, another tags him as the “mean green knowledge machine”, and he is widely acknowledged as “the best baby on Twitter”.
No one knows what Rooney’s son is like in real life. It is too early to tell. But his Twitter persona and humour have endeared him to people from Melbourne to Mumbai, Kent to Kolkata. Kai Wayne Rooney might soon just surpass his father’s popularity.