An abuser is a victim of his own abuses

Why do people use harsh words and become abusive? We know the answer and yet do not know because we keep our tongues wagging.

When we become a victim of abuse, most of us are hurt and most of us try to hit back. As a result, there is complete disorder in one’s behavior; and peace of mind and happiness is shattered. And one’s family and people around too are affected.

Given this, isn’t it better to ignore others’ abuses and carry on, unmindful of the abuses showered on you? Why can’t we understand that one who abuses us has a problem and it is in our interest not to “accept” the problem and maintain our peace of mind and equilibrium?

An abuser has a mind full of evil thoughts and mindless desire to shower them on others. His inability to control his abusive language is a reflection of the total chaos and disturbance that rules his mind and behaviour.

That is why Flora Jessop, American social activist and author, has said, “To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours.”

Let these words be a part of your consciousness and you will see the difference of being liberated from abusive words. If you take them and let them be a part of your consciousness, you are to be blamed for this. By not “accepting” the abuses, you are not only liberating yourself but also trying to reform the abuser. The abuser, in due course of time, may come around and be a good friend. He will not understand your ‘shout-back’ of abuses but he will definitely understand your rejection of his abuses and will take it positively, though slowly.

The tool to kill ‘abuse’ is, therefore, ‘ignore’, come what may. By ignoring abusive words, you are sending them back to the abuser. And, similarly, if you abuse someone, make no mistake, it comes back to you and you are disturbed all the more.

The great Roman historian, Pubilius Tacitus, perhaps had this in mind when he remarked, “To show resentment at a reproach is to acknowledge that one may have deserved it.”

How true! Let’s alert ourselves henceforth and be immune to abuses so that our peace of mind and happiness stay with us forever.

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