Have money, will flaunt



Back from Gurgaon after attending a big fat Indian wedding, I was mentally calculating the money that the two sides must have spent — especially the kind of money that must have gone into clothes and jewellery alone.

As I wondered why and how people spend so much on a week-long affair, I read a story on shop-thrifting in HT City. It exposed the extent to which a woman can go to satiate her hunger for new or novel attire at every function. People do dress to kill and they do spend a bomb. But what happens to all their collection in today’s era of one event-one dress? Some can afford, many can’t. The story gave the answer.

The headline clearly said, “Women buy fancy outfits, wear them to functions, then return or exchange them at the store.” I am sure men also do that though the story did not mention it.

A survey by UK-based One Poll Research Company revealed that one in eight women buy expensive clothes, wear them to a night out and return them to the shop next day. A check in India’s capital Delhi was startling, the figures sensational. Eighty per cent admitted to having returned their expensive clothes to the shop next day. There is this other group that fakes everything – from the smile they wear to the diamonds they flaunt.

Sadly the bride’s beauty is lost in her ensemble while the groom is the poster boy for a brand. In all the glitter and the glitterati, the feelings, the bonding are gradually getting lost.

Where is the time for the people to steal and share those special moments which used to make weddings a special affair for years to come? The dholak, the tappas and the giddas, the banna and the banni sung by women in the family, the bhangra and the playful banter. All that fun and laughter has gone. The money has brought in DJ’s, the commercial singers and dancers. The family is a mere spectator. What matters today are the who’s who on the guest list and the décor, drink and dinners? All that can be bought by money.

Thus when the drumbeater, the bandwallah, the eunuchs, the ghodiwallah demanded money at every step, the message was clear. Weddings are a commercial and not a personal affair anymore.

It was then I remembered the wedding of a professor of a prominent Management College Pooja Prakash and businessman Amrit Prakash that we had reported from Agra. Followers of Radhasoami faith, they decided to keep their wedding a low key affair though their families had loads in their pockets for a lavish wedding.

They had simple engagement ceremony in the early morning hours in a crop field in Dayalbagh and later the marriage function at ‘Yatri Sadan’. They spent Rs. 36,000 in all on their wedding, an amount that a bride spends on their make-up alone, forget the clothes and the jewellery.

And there were no gifts.

I am not sure how many would want to follow in their footsteps when the trend is to commercialise even personal and private affairs.

Some may want to ponder over this.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/indiantopblogs Kaypee Endee

    During Abhishek-Aish marriage, there was a rumour that some advertisers had bought time over channels for live webcast, and Bachans were a party to it. The underlying story of consumerist India is to make money, make merry and live like [not kings but] Americans and spoiled Punjabis [no racialism intended].

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  • Abu Ahmed

    When somebody in the family dies, do we book huge halls to place his/her body therein for relatives & friends to pay their respects to the departed soul? No. May be a tent is erected in the courtyard or on the street outside the house / flat, chairs are placed for visitors and simple food is served after the last rites. That should be the bench-mark for a wedding celebration too. It will be, if the economic downturn continues for some more time in the country and the world – people would smell coffee sooner than later.

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  • Abu Ahmed

    When somebody in the family dies, do we book huge halls to place his/her body therein for relatives & friends to pay their respects to the departed soul? No. May be a tent is erected in the courtyard or on the street outside the house / flat, chairs are placed for visitors and simple food is served after the last rites. That should be the bench-mark for a wedding celebration too. It will be, if the economic downturn continues for some more time in the country and the world – people would smell coffee sooner than later.

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  • SL Rastogi

    Very well written article…80% of brides and grooms returning the rented marriage attire even in Delhi is quite revealing… but it makes sense to do so because it avoids some kind of wastage. I wonder how many people would like to keep it for emotional reason or wear it again and on what occassion. Perhaps 20% who do not rent the dress are the one in later category.

    Surely emotional bonds and family togetherness is missing not only in marriages but in every day to day life as well.Mechanics of day to day life and ecnomic pressures are taking its toll on every one.
    with best wishes
    SL Rastogi

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  • patriot

    Looking to wards past experience nothing worked out good by reviving cricket with Pakistan.Pak players do not come to play just sport but win the war.Pakstani team can lose with any country but it matters most to them if they lost from India.As per past news Mr. Zia the past military dictator sent several spy agents along with team.So for we have been harmed by this country several times and i hope reviving relations this time may come out some thing good.

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    Shakeel Reply:

    lol, and you never sent spies to that country, your innocence is proved by many Sarbjits & Surjits, and not to forget Balochistan.
    Lets not live in the past & play in the hands of few who exist on both side of the divide and move on.

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  • Brown American

    There is never a bad time to do something positive. Looking for the perfect time is like for a perfect spouse. Both are elusive. To do something positive in face of such animosity takes courage. One has to admire the courage of BCCi and PCB to take right step in such hostility, mostly from Indian side. Admire it, move on and if you have reservations that it will bring the two nations closer, then just watch it for the Cricketing Rivalry and enjoy it. Those who are negative about it in my view are just born losers.

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  • Aman

    Not a good idea to reviving cricket or any social relations with country who is totally against us and had back strap us at every possible moment

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  • http://twitter.com/StuartLarner StuartLarner

    But this is nothing compared to some of the farcical tricks and antagonism that is documented betweeen English village clubs in the new ebook novel, “Guile and Spin” by Stuart Larner ,available on Amazon Kindle.
    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Guile-and-Spin-ebook/dp/B008FBZPHE/

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  • The Shaft

    Sunil Gavaskar opposed – he should be involved in decision-making processes so that he remains a part of the honchos of BCCI. I mean, his ego would be satiated – after all he was the greatest before Sachin.

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  • bluewrox

    nice…see a marked change in Congress pro media now a days…or is it that rajdeep, vir , barkha and the likes are smelling regime change and they want to be in the right side of the new regime? or are they finding it difficult to support this uselessgoverment?

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  • Dee

    Seems the rats are leaving a sinking ship.

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  • truth

    vir? what’s wrong, are the checks from the congress party no longer coming? the Italian maid no longer your hero? so sad….we “were” so secular…no?

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    Anonymous Reply:

    No. He just thinks people are idiots to have forgotten about him and Radia et al. And, the Hindustan Times (the Company) is like the rest of India – corrupt people and corruption are just ways of life for them – nothing more!

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    bobg123 Reply:

    Oh…its another “Rat” who is abandoning the sinking ship…..no wonder. Then you never know he is trying to give a sincere advice to his “Masters”

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  • Manik

    Wow Mr Sanghvi…..What a surprising article and for a change a journalist was talking….Hope your reporting will be unbiased as this one….

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    geekay09 Reply:

    It will be naive and too early to conclude this as unbiased. He has to write advice to the govt coated not in sugar which is what is making you feel he has become unbiased. He has to reason and plead that pretend like Obama – show your tears and empathy. Wao. He is not advising nothing beyond. No genuine criticism of this govt.

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    Manik Reply:

    Agreed but at least it’s a start and hope he can bring out ills of dynasty politics of India..

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  • PPrasad

    How about discussing HT’s disconnect with the middle class ??
    During the ant-corruption movement, some of English Print Media’s “intellectual” journos termed the middle class as “intellectually handicapped” , “cattle class” etc..
    Instead of taking on the ruling establishment on issues of Governance, HT kept dishing out meaningless articles on non-existent “secular”/”minority” issues, anti Modi articles and projecting Rahul G as the next PM candidate !!

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    Har Gobind Bhukkal Reply:

    They will all fall in line in due course of time. Most of them have been feeding for a long time on the discharge of 10 Janpath sewers and have got scabies as a result. The itch doesn’t let them see the truth around them.

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  • Krishna

    UPA II is a GONE CASE.

    They are a failed corrupt gang of goons. They want to rule India like in medieval times thinking that the Indians can be taken for granted and India is a banana republic.

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  • lalit bagai

    the problem with this govt is that its top leadership eg sonia gandhi is corrupt,
    and completely uninterested in the well being of the indian people. sonia,s main
    interest is skimming of the cream, liveing as a empress, and planning for her
    retarded son to take over. this was indira,s way of ruleing the country.and leaveing her job to rajiv gandhi.

    sonia is now stricken with cancer, and the congress is knee deep in scams.
    it is faceing nemesis. the graceful thing would be for her and her brood to
    leave politics and india. india should be governed by patriotic and nationalist
    leaders, eg narendra modi, shiv raj singh chauhan and others like them.

    as for mmdingh. he is 80 years old. he should prepare to meet his maker to
    express regrets for the shameful betrayal of his country.

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  • Har Gobind Bhukkal

    What happened Sanghvi? Not a favourite baby of CONgross anymore. Or Is it a break to breathe the fresh air. I hope that it’s an enlightenment as to the reality around us nowadays (of an awakened India). I hope Queen Maino and her motley gang won’t reprimand you for calling a spade a spade as You are used to calling it a spoon. Anyways, Best of luck. I hope you come out with more articles like this one that expresses public sentiments and eventually connect to them. Tell Barkha also past is past and not to eat any morsels thrown off by politicians. An unbiased Media is the strongest pillar of democracy. More than the problem of – voter fatigue and anti-incumbency, it’s the problem of arrogant rulers looting every resource of this country and then behaving atrociously with public if they protest. R@pes may happen but the protests shouldn’t, it is dictatorial attitude and not democratic.

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  • Tvk

    Vir Sanghvi is as usual pretending.He talks of anti incumbency and voter fatigue as reasons for middle class anger instead of corruption and corruption and corruption and the politics of reservations and the police raj of UPA for the uprise.As for Hidustan Times ,I pity the News Paper for its highly biased editorials and journalists who come on TV Channels trying their best to support the UPA and the Italian colonists in Delhi ruling class

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  • Mauren

    Excellent analysis! Thank you.

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  • ram

    let see how neutral VIr can be..

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  • Kokila

    Mr Prime Minister, you the leader of the country and your people solace in times of distress. Needless to say ,you disappoint us. You have nothing to loose,just go after the corrupt and goonda politicians. Do you read the newspapers? or you are barred from knowing what is happening in you country? Please ,wake up.

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  • dm

    One thing this article shows is that the UPA and the PM have become soft targets for the middle class media, and let us not even go into the Sanghi trolls whom they seek to placate with ever stupider columns. Dude, the rape incident has little or nothing to do with the govt and everything to do with India as a society, as a handful of intelligent persons writing in Indian newspapers have already pointed out. But as usual most of the media likes to stick to lazy and false assumptions and doesn’t really want to dig deep. so journos like this one take the easy and lazy way out, since it offers yet another easy opportunity to hit out at the govt. As for the govt not being media savvy, frankly nothing can satiate the nasty, partisan, and lying monster the Indian media has become. Taking digs at the govt. may win lazy journos brownie points with the Sanghis, but it does terrible disservice to that poor victim who just died, since it does nothing in terms of discussing the root of the rape problem in India.

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    kanishka Reply:

    Have you ever heard the hindi phrase, YATHA RAJA TATHA PRAJA.

    Fish rots from the top. Law and order is the responsibility of the government. Children easily learn what works and what does not. Greed and dishonesty works in India so does blatant violation of the law, whether financial (corruption at the top like 2G, CWG, COALGATE and no accountability of the government), legal (misusing CBI and bribing to manipulate the votes of MPs to stay in power at the center) or ethical (Vadera Gate or veerbhadra gate).

    Why no reforms has been brought in police and judiciary despite stricture from the Supre Court of India.

    Why some parties are still opposing 33% reservation of seats for women who constitute 50% of the population?

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  • kanishka

    Any objective analyst would blame Sonia, the super PM and Raul, the duper PM for their extra-constitutional seat of power and the media who does not raise the real issues that affect the real people.

    No media person talks about exponentially exploding population, lives of 70% population living under less than a dollar a day (almost 50% of the population still def@cate in the open in India, a shame for the entire nation) and deteriorating law & order situation in cities and villages while a section of the society is getting richer and richer using corrupt and dishonest means at the cost of average Indian.

    The UPA II has not vision, no direction, no game plan except coopting the media in their attemp on how to indulge in corruption and malign opposition especially Modi.

    Neither Sonia/Rahul duo nor MM Singh has ever given an open press conference and interview to the national and international journalist for objective assessment of their state of affairs. No journalist has courage to seek an interview with Sonia/Rahul who manage the seat of power with some hidden character. All three are used to read the written speeches so is coward Indian voters.

    UPAII must go along with attitude of english media if India has to progress.

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  • raju shah

    Italian bar maid has not paid dec check to Vir. that is why he is barking

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  • Ramesh Kumar

    What has gone wrong with Vir Sanghvi,has been commented by many.But what has changed with mmsingh,whom probably some admired , in his own words,is as he admitted during his speech in debate on Nuclear deal that left parties have made him “BONDED LABOUR”. That check has gone.Now he is in control of rival forces.Afterall slavery is a mental concept.
    Bonded is not a free soul.The action are in tune with like a string instrument, whose sound depends on tightening of wires.
    LACK OF GOVERNANCE IS VISIBLE AT ALL LEVELS.EVEN VIR SINGHVI IS ALSO CHANGING.

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  • raj

    Hi Vir, you are like a wind sock, change your political direction based on where the wind is blowing from…haha..MMS is a joke and so are you….everyone knows that sometime back you were defending the fake gandhis and MMS and now that tables have turned back on them, so have you…what next, you will start praising NaMo ?

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  • tbr

    That is why the Americans crack a joke for the rest of the world–That by wearing American Jeans- you can not become a American. That hawker as part of the gang rape team was probably wearing jeans-but he was a Indian idiot by brain. True or False ??

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  • tbr

    The other very well noted point in this article is greatly appreciated –UPA did bring in fresh and young faces in the Govt. but it is the same 70-85 year olds running the top Govt policy directive!! Worth noting a point. I have a closed relative at 93 who does not want to go away and very stubborn to use a mobile device! What are you going to do?? Wait for them to disappear or do something for the mess we are in !! Advani in the waiting for becoming a PM???? A point to be noted.

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  • JB

    All that Vir Sanghvi has stated is true. And there is a moral of the story: you cannot run a a government in a democracy through a hired CEO: it just does not run.

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  • tbr, USA

    CEO is a very-American Corporate world acronym –somehow it does not fit in the Indian culture. Just a point.

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  • Anonymous

    Finally, Vir has written a piece that resonates with what every Indian (except Robert) feels. Sonia should resign from the Chairperson of UPA and President of AICC posts and join us in the streets. Ofcourse, please leave those SPG guys with their Israeli guns at 10J.

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  • Javed Mian

    These guys like Veer now feel Congress’s days are numbered. Clearly evident from Rajdeep Sardesai’s, Burhkha Dutt’s and this id$$iot’s wrtings.

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  • insideeye

    Why no word on the role on the heir apparent Rahul Gandhi? Being the face of the Congress, he should be articulating the party’s position on the gang-rape. Bot time and again, when he needs to stand up and be counted, he goes underground.

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  • H.Mani

    Vir saheb,I’m not in the habit of kicking a fallen guy.I will try my best not to be mean spirited.I will just ask you to buy a globe of the world.Just a cheap one.Take a look at the size of China,Russia,Canada,USA,Brazil,Australia even Saudi Arabia and compare with the size of India.You do not have to be rocket scientist or even have all 52 cards of deck.What do you see.?And then get the census figure from UN.You will see,why and how India has all the trouble?Has any news paper or Jouranlist or any politacal heavy weight starting from Nehru ever showed any concern for exponential explossion population??.I will tell you what,rapes,murder,people’s problems are no longer real people or concern,they are just numbers,numbers do not have faces.Why should Sonia or Rahul or MMS acknowledge these faceless numbers and address a open press confrence or give interview?More than the Congress,I’m more disappointed by guys like you and Indian media,you have failed the sorry unfortunate countrymaen.That is the real tragedy.I can say a lot,for I was once your fellow countryman,I wept when my President wept in Newtown when innocent kids were mowed down.He has asked Vp Biden to prepare gun control of assult weapon,legislation.Where was need to send this commotose girl to Singapore?You guys are a sorry lot.I’m ashamed to be once part of India by birth,I can not change that.I weep as I type this.With malice towards none,nice day ,STILL.H.Mani,NJ,USA

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  • mms

    Hello Hello I am Nira Wadia…Vir, my darling, what are you talking all this?…I just talked to Sonia madam and Rahul baccha and they are sending cheque to you through their sweepers MMS and Shinde. Pls stop writing against your beloved party. Love you darling. Bye – yours Nira.

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  • Deep

    Vir, there is hope for your rehabilitation after all. Keep in mind that the UPA won a second term due to the lethargy of the Indian voter rather than their brilliance in the first term. Keep on taking your daily dose of reality and truth and it will all work out!

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  • Seema Sangra

    I have always been a Vir Sanghvi fan,but this one is an extremely well written piece. It’s a good insight about changing scenario and the need for the political parties to consider it.

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  • Vinod

    So, you say that UPA is lurching from crisis to crisis because of voter fatigue? And a global recession causes them to have crises and lurches? And finally, both crisis and lurch are caused by mass media! Brilliant.

    I thought I just saw a 1.76 Lakh Cr elephant, a 75K Cr Gorilla, a 1.4 Lakh Cr Godzilla, etc. etc. zip by. Must be my imagination.

    UPA1 was just as bad as UPA2 – they simply sailed on the winds of a well managed economy that they inherited – look at the economic figures like the Current Account ratio. UPA 1 didn’t get caught until UPA 2 happened. The crookery was well in place, despite the communists fighting against it.

    Manmohan is not a badly sold image, neither are the rest in the Congress’ management. They ARE bad at governing this country, they are collusive in the loot and plunder that we have had to bear for the past 9 years.

    And people like you are guilty of protecting them and hiding the truth.

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  • Bhaskar Bhattacharya

    It’s not that UPA can’t handle the media. There are no LEADERS like Obama who have won their positions by campaigning the length and breadth of the country. In other words they are afraid of peopkle, forget about engaging with them. Contrast this with Obama who is ever ready to talk directly with the people, be it town hall meeting, or in a school or auditorium or just an open field. They are not afraid to connect directly with their own citizens. Obama does not think that he is in any way superior to the ordinary citizen. He feels that it is his responsivility to serve them. Unfortunately such values are not imbued in our politicians.

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  • shame

    see who is writing this. our own congressman Vir

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  • shame

    Hey Vir, just read all the comments written on your article and if you feel a bit of shame then stop writing

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  • Anil Sharma

    Mr. Singhvi, I raced through your fluent article imagining there would be a line or two about the failure of “Gandhis” to connect with the masses, to address the protesters or assure the people of India. And you singled out MMS? Someone always controls a puppet’s strings, or will you have us believe otherwise.

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  • kabir awadhi

    how can a rape in a city show ineffeciency of our national government ?? vir sanghvi and most of d commenters here have just politicized it when in fact its a social and law n order issue.

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  • Guest

    The biggest change is in the state of the economy. The world is no longer a rising tide that lifts all boats.

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  • Manish Kumar, Patna

    Why blame Dr Singh alone when UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi is the de facto leader of the government…Vir Sir why no mention of the Gandhis? They are always there to take credit for a NREGA and Right to Information or a Right to Education Act but when it comes to real governance issues like the ongoing Delhi protests or inflation or the economic crisis you will never find them taking any responsibility!

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  • Kedar

    I disagree on many counts, Vir.

    1] The Congress is not behind when it comes to media-savviness. Whenever I watch any TV debate on any topic, I always find their representatives – Manish Tiwari, Renuka Chowdhury, Kapil Sibbal, Digvijaya et al very well prepared, aggressive and far more confident than they ought to be. Contrast this with the ever-fumbling BJP spokespersons. Have you ever wondered that whenever the Congress is in troubled waters, Digvijaya comes to the rescue with his carefully crafted, digressive and diverting two penny comments? Besides, folks like Sibbal, Tharoor, Montek and many others come across as suave yet fierce orators, what with their superb English and presence of mind, even when they are lying through their teeth.

    2] I’m no fan of the BJP and her sick, bronze age ideology, but let’s give credit where it is due. The NDA rule was way, I repeat waaaaayyyyyy better and progressive than even UPA-I and in fact the UPA-I bore many fruits of the former’s policies. And I see you only going ga-ga about one of them that too when it is not required here.

    3] The Delhi rape case is in no way the fault of the Government, or even our laws. It only stems from our sick, misogynistic and hypocritic society. It is only the pathological liars or the incorrigible fools who would blame the Congress for that! And I don’t think any one else in the shoes of Sheila Dikshit, or Shinde or Manmohan or Sonia would have handled the aftermath of the rape any better. The damage had already been done and the Congress was merely unfortunate.

    4] I am astonished to find that you can only see the so-presumed media disconnection being the cause for the alienation between the Congress and the common man. As if the multitude of record breaking corruption scams, clear inefficiency, nepotism, sycophancy, arrogance, power-misuse and numerous other ills as epitomized by the ruling party carried no weight at all! And please, voter fatigue, anti-incumbency and global recession come across as pigmies when the above mentioned players are in gear!

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  • pankaj#1

    Vir;
    I can not understand, why you refuse to see or acknowledge the obvious.
    Everybody knows that UPA II came to power on the shoulders of Urban middle class but continued to look for its voters amongst rural people, and muslim vote bank. Nothing wrong in looking after your underprivilaged populace but it was done so much shoddily that, majority started feeling discriminated in place of being a partner. for this progressive step. Like, MMS saying -muslims have first right on national resources, What???? Howcome????
    Then, you are not pointing out this glaring fact, admitted indirectly by even congressis. MMS was never given full freedom to work as Rahul was being foisted on UPA II and Indian population brazenly. Digvijay was always snipping at MMS’ heels. For your information, Digvijay has caused considerable harm to Congress apart from other contributors, including Sonia.

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  • ruchi

    Sir, we have read so much about the UPA-II’s direct benefits scheme. Last Minister Jairam Ramesh was heard giving statements about it with reference to what Rahul Gandhi was talking about it. Oddly Gandhi is not an office holder but a Congress Party member. The scheme (with its positives and negatives is just now a supposed trump card for the Congress in the name of the UPA where tax payers’ money is being used.

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  • Anonymous

    The Congress survives becasue the BJP messes up its chnvces by promoting a baby elephant called Gadkari, who will never win he hearts of the youth and masses.

    They can get a charismatic guy as party president, who is not afraid of taking on Vadra and the congress crony capitalism.

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  • Rahul010

    India needs to become a part of OECD and then we will have tremendous amounts of fact based data to benchmark our progress against other OECD countries and ensure policies have measurable results. Who will get us into OECD before this Brookings India institute is born?

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  • http://twitter.com/Farrukhabadi Praveen Saxena

    Do you plan to join Brookings India ?

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  • vijay !

    HOw about doing an article on the latest Chinese incursion. I have a feeling that the Chinese have heard the speeches of both our PM hopefulls and especially sending a message to Rahul that you cannot make fun of us.

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