One from the Desk



Yesterday, a friend of mine posted a status message on Facebook about her desk. It had been usurped by her husband, but she finally had it back and found it most inspiring.

I identified with her. Not that my desk has been usurped by my husband, but my inspirational desk remains in Calcutta, while the one I have in Bombay is merely a desk – a large, chunky piece of furniture with a deep drawer and a locker and a long and wide flat surface that my computer sits on. (This is a massive desk. Remove the drawer and locker and it could be a dining table for four.) That’s where I work when I have to work at home, but I can’t say it’s inspirational.

My desk in Calcutta, however, the one I miss, is more than a desk. I can’t say it’s beautiful. In fact, it’s an ugly piece of furniture, formica-topped and fairly inconvenient. It has just a single shallow drawer and a narrow and not so long flat surface, that’s it. But something always happened to me when I sat at that desk. I enjoyed my work and wanted to do more.

I think I was about 12 or 13 when I got that desk – inherited from my sister who had finished college and moved to Bombay to work. Before that, I had a deep and abiding hatred of all forms of study. I was a big reader, which I suppose made me seem studious, but textbooks were my enemy.

But after I took over that desk, something happened to me. While some textbooks continued to be the enemy (no prizes for guessing – maths and sciences), others became my best friends. Not only did I look forward to doing my homework at that desk, I read further. I read entire textbooks from start to finish at that desk, finishing them long before my teachers had even begun the next chapter. And I pulled out all the reference books my parents insisted on having at home (thank heavens for parents like mine) to read more on the subjects that interested me. All at and because of that desk.

I did a lot of stuff at that desk. In those pre-computer days, I wrote essays and stories and poems by hand because I couldn’t stop writing them. Not for school assignments; I just had to write, so I did. I also painted with poster paints (I can’t draw to save my life, but I love colour, so I did what I referred to as ‘modern art’). I also sat at that desk and planned and created handmade birthday cards for my friends – small pieces of embroidery (I enjoyed sewing) pasted on chart paper, with a poem and painting on the side.

In college, I loved sitting at my desk in the evenings, sipping cold coffee from the pewter beer mug my dad had given me (which is now a pen stand), and making and updating notes. All the lights in the room would be off except for the one lamp just above the desk, and I’d sit there, absorbed in my work, writing my notes – that is, organising my thoughts. (There’s nothing like making notes to organise your thoughts, and once your thoughts are organised, all that’s left before exams is a single revision. I highly recommend making notes, even without exams.)

And when I started work, and was unused to writing on a computer, I’d always write my stories at home, by hand, at my desk. Even 3,000-word cover stories. The desk made it easy, even though I was just a trainee.

Sitting at my desk, absorbed in whatever I was doing, I was sometimes conscious of my absorption, which sounds like an oxymoron, but didn’t feel contradictory. I had a strong sense of being, I don’t know how to describe it, but I suppose Zen Buddhists would call it ‘in the moment’. It felt as though I was outside myself, watching me watching myself thoroughly involved in whatever it was I was doing. It was an eerie feeling that sometimes caused goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach, but it was pleasant nonetheless.

That desk, for me, is associated with nothing but good things, the most important being, I think, a sense of complete fulfillment in myself. Sitting at that desk, I needed nothing else and nobody else. I think that is what made it inspirational for me.

Every time I go to Calcutta, I give that desk a pat. I think it made me.

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  • Parvana

    What a delightful read Bunny! Loved it :) Thank you for making my morning brighter.

    [Reply]

    Kushal Reply:

    Thank you, Parvana. Now you’ve made MY day brighter.

    [Reply]

  • http://www.facebook.com/kanikadhupar Kanika Dhupar

    Once in a while you write a little-something about yourself which ends up as a delightful read, reminds me of your ‘Expletive Deleted’ column when it was a regular feature on the editorial page of HT.

    [Reply]

    Kushal Reply:

    Thanks Kanika. And gosh, I had completely forgotten that column. I’m sure it wasn’t called Expletive Deleted, though.

    [Reply]

    Kanika Dhupar Reply:

    It had a grey background with you in really short hair sketched on it. I think you are right it was called something else, let me find that..

    [Reply]

  • sunila

    Loved this read, Kushal..it is delightful…also will bring back many memories for most people, like it did for me. thank you!.

    [Reply]

    Kushal Reply:

    Share the memories, Sunila?

    [Reply]

  • sunila

    Too many, Kushal, to put down here. Besides, across a view of so many years, some, i suspect, are more rose-coloured than what was reality! And there are so many desks…ours (my sisters) then mine, my childrens’,…but all the memories are of happy times, absorbed totally in the act of the moment, whether it was reading or writing, pasting pressed flowers and leaves, or painting, of an uncomplicated time…But mostly it’s a warm feeling of happiness. Later it was a refuge,(wrote poems, yes, really about green leaves and flowers and love!!) where mainly family left you alone to do whatever, unless you had cheated on your chores and someone else had to do them!My desk was like my own private room, with a do not disturb sign, unless invited by me to enter. i can’t imagine my world was so much my own when i was young…and oh, the ink of those days…how can i forget that! filling ink pens…doing all kinds of things with ink bottles, droppers, nibs….the most wonderful time spent with ink, smelling it, spilling it, ink in my nails, yes, in,!! wiping the mess, hoping no stains would stay…..Kushal, you really brought back lovely memories..

    [Reply]

  • http://twitter.com/onsanjana Sanjana S

    :) I don’t know if you remember me, but I used to read your blog aaaages ago, when you were in Delhi ( I was there as well)! I’ve missed your writing! Just happened to remember you again and googled you and here you are! :D

    Your writing always makes me feel like I’m reading a book in an old library surrounded by old books and sunlight filtering in through the windows. It’s a good feeling! :)

    [Reply]

    Kushal Reply:

    Gosh, Sanjana, that is truly the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing. Thank you. And I cannot believe ANYone remembers my blog in Delhi! Going through yours now :)

    [Reply]

    Sanjana S Reply:

    Don’t know if you’ll remember by going through this blog of mine. I used to write under another name back then. We met at Green Park Barista and I was kinda star-struck by you :D

    Of course I remember your old blog! You were hilarious and pretty awesome! :D

    [Reply]

    Kushal Reply:

    No, your blog is entirely new to me. I remember the Green Park Barista. Grin.