Hindustan Times
Three things I sometimes wonder about…
1. Why do men think their personal plumbing devices will shrivel up and fall off if ever they wear pink / choose to watch romantic movies or read romantic books / cry / acknowledge that they love babies and cuddly animals / acknowledge that they enjoy shopping / watch soap operas / acknowledge that they dislike sports / earn less than their spouse or girlfriend / hold their alcohol less well than a woman / ask for directions / transgress in any way, however minor, from the widely-held but so very narrow-minded code of masculinity?
Are they really so insecure that such minor things can make them worry about their gender?
Really? And why? I am completely baffled.
2. This is for my colleague in Delhi, Tavishi, who recently interviewed someone important and found the PR person who accompanied the important person insisting on answering most of the questions himself. Which made the interview almost redundant. I’ve had the same experience often, so I wonder…
Why MUST public relations people sit in at the interviews when the interviewee is a Very Important Person (such as a CEO, or even a vice president, marketing)? Do they think we’ll assassinate the Very Important Person? (But we’re journalists. We hope the pen is mightier than the sword.) Be rude? (But even if we were, what can they do about it?) Ask uncomfortable questions? (But that’s our job. If we were to write a PR interview, we’d BE in PR.) Display our ignorance? (But if we did, the shame would be ours. Not the Very Important Person’s.)
So why must PR people be there at the interview? I am completely baffled.
3. Why do people you barely know, who know little about you, who may not even be classified as acquaintances, think they have the right to lecture and nag you on your happy indulgence of cigarettes and alcohol?
I can understand that if you’re, say, blowing smoke in their faces or throwing up over their shoes. But if you’re following the rules and leaving the innocent to their innocence while you indulge yourself, what’s it to them? And why do they assume you have never ever heard about the evil of cigarettes and alcohol in your life, let alone considered the issues and made your decision?
Why? Because it’s an issue of your health? Then can you lecture them back on the issue of their health when you spot them eating, say, a samosa or a chunk of cake, or a vada pau? All those transfats… the cholesterol… the refined flour… the starch…
Why must people interfere unnecessarily in other people’s lives? I am completely baffled.
(5 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...Posted by Kushal Rani Gulab on Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged cholestrol, Code of masculinity, cuddly animals, health, insecurity, PR, romantic books
All of us have hobbies. Some paint, some dance and some interfere…unfortunately the last hobby needs loads of unwilling participants… and the most imp rule..don’t look at how you play and secondly its always the other who’s wrong
Though this game does not occur in my list of interests and in many others…but the ones who play it have given everyone a biting experience!
[Reply]
completely completely agree!!
I am really fed up of ppl..who think ur life is their business and dont mind interfering in it unnecesarily..
and yeh faltu ka lecture dena for evils like ciggies n drinks…i dont do that..coz i feel its enuff publicised for every1 to knw..and 1 more thing..which i dont understand..
y do ppl esp in india…judge other ppl..esp girls..if they smoke n drink..as if its immoral to do so..? and then there r girls..who actually claim with pride that uff i have never ever tasted beer / wine or whisky!! my standard answer to girls like them..so dear what have u tasted then?
[Reply]
Kushal,
Here is my take on the three issues raised - and appropriately I have some experiences on each !
1. Shrinking of personal plumbing devices: You know, this morning (friday), while on the way to office( in Delhi) , I was struck in a traffic jam for two hours. The only respite was the FM radio stations. One of the songs that I heard after a long time was the famous one from Hum Tum - ‘Ladki kyon na jaane kyon, ladkon si nahin hoti….”. Brilliant lyrics…first when Saif (in the film, that is) recounts the exasperating attitude of females and then when Rani answers with equal aplomb.
I read your blog after reaching office and immediately my mind went to this song - just that you are asking a different question : “ladke kyon na jaane kyon…ladkiyon se nahin hote..” Amazing coincidence, would you not say?
But to the question - why are men like they are?
Well, I have just this take - if in future men really have all the qualities, that you mention they presently freak off even at a mere suggestion, then they will also have one more quality - lack of appreciation of feminine beauty. Just because men do not have these qualities, they are able to appreciate females and all that they encompass.
Men kind off say- I love the way you are but do not want to be like you. Indeed let’s mainatin our individualities. Women whereas, say, I like your uniqueness, but then why can’t you change and become a little more like me.
So would you want men, who would pass by you and would not be able to compliment you on your looks, or or wit or your humour? Or would you want men they way they are?
That’s the eternal dichotmy. And yes, you can label me a MCP for saying this, although you have a much stronger term than this in your tarkash
2. PR people in interviews : Think about this. If a mid-level executive of Tata Motors were to say that Mamta Banerjee is a villian and needs to be tried in court for destroying industry in Bengal. What would be the reaction? Maybe slight shock somewhere, immediately to be forgotten by the next big news. But what if the same thing was said by Ravi Kant ( or new MD, Mr. Telang) , or indeed Mr. Ratan Tata. It would be headline news, would change politicial discourse, may even change policy of government ( not positively mind you, but negatively too), forever pitch Tata and Mamta as adverseries, and so on.
That’s why VVIP’ s need professional people when dealing with interviews. Indeed the top honchos are like generals, who leave every action of their enterprise to be dealt with by a professional. So when every sphere is dealt by a thourogh bred professional, why not the same while interacting with media.
And mind you, many of these PR people are ex-media themselves. So why do you want to close a career opportunity for your fellow brethren !
3. Alchohol and Cigarette indulgances : I think here you have a point wrt to alchohol.
There are some addictivies which are expressely banned like narcotics. They also have no social sanction for consumption.
But then there are other addictives which are not banned and indeed have social sanction too. Like alchohol, or even tea and coffee. Although it’s widely acknowledged that taken in extremes, they would be harmful. However, it is understood that in controlled consumption they have little negative effects, infact they might have some beneficial affects too.
Cigarette is different. It has social sanction. Yet it is the only addictive, with social sanction which has zero benefits. Consumed in any limited quantity, however small, and the only thing it is going to do is harm.
That’s why people might come up to you and ask you to stop smoking ( by “you” I mean anyone who smokes) - out of compassion or goodwill.
I will definately do it, if I chance upon you smoking. Although drinking to me is fine.
And thanks for reading this exessively long and boring reply.
Cheers !
[Reply]
Pranav Dixit Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
“Well, I have just this take - if in future men really have all the qualities, that you mention they presently freak off even at a mere suggestion, then they will also have one more quality - lack of appreciation of feminine beauty. Just because men do not have these qualities, they are able to appreciate females and all that they encompass”
I have no idea what you mean by this! I choose to watch romantic movies or read romantic books / cry / acknowledge that I love babies and cuddly animals / acknowledge that I enjoy shopping / watch soap operas / acknowledge that I dislike sports (hate them!) / hold my alcohol less well than a woman / ask for directions / transgress, as Bunny lists in her post and I am still able to ‘apprecite females and all that they encompass’, thank you very much.
[Reply]
Akhilesh Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
In all the carefully re-phrased lines that you have used Pranav, did you notice that you have missed stating that you appreciate feminine beauty. And that’s the central theme of my arguments !
But since you missed mentioning it, my point proven I should say? Hence, QED
Or should I say, it was an innocent slip at ur end ?
You decide.
Curiously, subconscious mind has a way of letting the cat out of the bag
[Reply]
Pranav Dixit Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Dude, did you not read the last line of my post????
Akhilesh Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I did, dude. It says that you appreciate females and all that they encompass. Right? Infact you quote from my text.
But see my post more carefully. There is a line before this too and I quote “……then they will also have one more quality - lack of appreciation of feminine beauty.”
There is a very subtle difference between these two. And no wonder you miss the difference. My point proven.
QED
Cheers !
[Reply]
Pranav Dixit Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Grr….I get your point….but if I am not wrong, I think you mean that people who do all the things that I do lack the appreciation of female beauty.
And I choose to firmly disagree, that’s all.
Amy Reply:
September 12th, 2009 at 7:42 am
Hey guys are we seeing Hum Tum Ha again ha ha ha Ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Akhilesh Reply:
September 12th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Of course Pranav, you have the absolute right to disagree with me. This is a free country.
Cheers !
Akhilesh Reply:
September 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Amy,
The current craze is “The Ugly Truth”….kind of advertises in gory detail, if you will, what Hum Tum tried to say in a sophisticated way.
But where is Kushal? No replies from her this time.
Probably she is aggregating all her disgust at my line of thinking, ready to be bombarded at me at the opportune time
1. Great point. The things you mentioned Kushal are essential for being human. But most men repress ‘em. I wonder what people are up to when they do the oh-so-cool things to impress the oh-so-cool people to showcase that oh-so-cool image. And it’s not only the men I mean. I think media has a big hand in creating this disparity between a man and a human. You turn on the TV and i bet you won’t see many males sans bulges and 6-packs. How many people we come across daily who look like this? All men are not spartans or Roarks. The stars of gone days did pretty well with those pot-bellies and unwaxed chests and shaggy brows and tear-sheds. Better be a beta-male than being a pirated alpha. May be they are too afraid to lose what they are STILL TRYING to get.
2. Not much experience here. I guess PR people make the VIPs more “presentable” and avoid any “slips-of-tongue”, again augmenting the disparity.
3. “Then can you lecture them back on…” LOL. Thanks for suggesting a defence against such people.
Regards.
[Reply]
Wel, Bunny, last week I needed to send some flowers to a friend in hospital and the florist just wouldn’t let me send him pink roses. When I insisted that they looked the best in her lot of bouquets, she said, “Oh but, Ma’am, don’t you know you don’t send pink anything to a man?” That shut me up and I sent him some white orchids instead!
As for PRs, they are the bane of my existence, too.
Don’t do cigarettes and alcohol but I know what you mean by busy nobodys sticking their nose into your business!
[Reply]
Akhilesh Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Sujata Ji,
I had kind of gotten used to reading your blogs every Friday and then post my rabid comments in response
And then wait with anticipation, till Monday next, to read your repartee.
Wonder what happened this week? No blog !
All well !
[Reply]
All that Kushal has mentioned regarding men, proves the point that following cliches is way simpler than going through the whole process of making choices for yourself. Its sad that certain men don’t realize that a sensible woman would always appreciate a man for his individuality, and that does NOT mean that he MUST like pink flowers. It only means that he is free to like whatever he wants to, but he must be willing to accept it. So then what’s the point of forcing cricket and soccer down your throat and making a fool of yourself, especially since the people who really matter would be smart enough to see through it all?
[Reply]
Okay, lets try another angle to what Akhilesh has posetd.
1 Coz women are from venus, and men are from mars!!
Our personal plumbing devices dont shrivel, they just park themselves convienently. As much as girls dont like war movies / Batman comics / palying kabaddi / arm wrestling / watch sci fi movies / hang out with the dudes / guzzle a few beers / watch all the girls go by / lech / ogle / carp / play computer games / put lizards in people pockets and so on, we dont believe that it makes them any less feminine.
Its a guy thing. Girls just wont understand. Like guys wont understand a whole bunch of girl things. example - when a guy talks his problem out, the other guy is listening. But when a girl talks a problem out, she doesnt want you to listen……..
2. PR guys overstepping their bounds by talking on behalf ov the VIPs’? Atrocious. Reprehensible.
But then, most VIPs’ have things to hide, and most journalists are viewed as Paws / Jaws / Claws in search of juicy morsels that can run slivers of fear in their unmentionables.
So the VIP is actually a Very Insecure Person, and needs a shield. Be kind to this species for the only entity they are vulnerable to are journanists!! The rest are too busy fawning over this species and making them feel larger than life.
3 Ciggies & Booze? what is the point of living if you cant partake of some of the vices? The devil will shrivel (pun intended!!) into a black lump of coal with nary a touch of slime, and who wants to play the harp anyway?
My response is to offer them a ciggi or a drink and say, “Boss, try to karo!!. ek hamare haath ki le lo!!” I also go to the extent of approaching their table insisting they have one on me, and then eat their head out by asking how they feel after every 20 seconds (dont do it if you dont have some muscular looking company)
Its such a lovely sight to see them shake their heads in sympathy and cluck their disapproval……
[Reply]
Deb Reply:
September 14th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
A slight variation of #1, last para: When a guy talks his problem out, esp. to another guy, all he may want is to vent & some empathy, not necessarily (at least, not always) a solution from the listener (in fact, sometimes proffering a solution may lead to resentment, as if the man is not able to work out his solutions himself).
When, on the other hand, a guy talks his problem out to a woman, he better be prepared to listen to a solution, mostly uninvited. It sometimes (mostly?) offends, for reasons as above. But to a woman, it may just be a way to show empathy?
[Reply]
its the self righteousness that gets my bakri.
out here, in this village in district morena, folks are chilled out. everyone smokes. doddering grandmothers to 14 year old brats. bidis. but thats not counted, usually. nobody makes character judgments. they stare like dazed zombies at you, but its plain curiosity usually. its actually nice. kind of tells me what a gora feels like on our streets!
i’m here to teach. to help ‘bridge the great digital divide’. get the villagers acquainted with a computer : )
these chaps lost interest the moment they learned it isn’t a TV!
[Reply]
Kushal Reply:
September 14th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Wow, I’m most impressed, Abhiroop. Thank you for doing this, on behalf of all of us who do little to help.
[Reply]
Can you not print the interview saying that “Mr PR” ‘assured us of all the help and elaborated on various future commitments to the tun… blah blah ….. “Mr VIP” nodded indulgingly’. The plumbing devices for both will shrivel effectively
[Reply]
Pranav Dixit Reply:
September 14th, 2009 at 10:37 am
LOL! That’s a good idea!
[Reply]
Kushal Reply:
September 14th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
ROFL.
Pranav is right, and I’ll go further. What an excellent idea!
[Reply]
With regard to your second question,
Lee Kan Yew, the ex PM and architect of modern singapore, in one of his book has narrated his meeting with Rajiv Gandhi during RG’s visit to Singapore in 1980’s. He says that whenever he asked something to RG, he used to just look at the then foreigh minister, Mr. Natwar Singh who then used to respond to Lee Kan Yew.
[Reply]