The Hangover – why do men like it so much?



I went to see Hangover at the weekend. Great movie. But there are several things from the ‘message’ of the flick that I didn’t understand.

(For those of you that haven’t seen it, it is an American comedy about four men who go to a stag party in Las Vegas for the night,  get wasted, wake up in the morning  to find the groom missing and a blank memory. The film is a hilarious account of how they piece together what happened.)

Hilarious too because of all the naughty things they get up to in Vegas – most of which are depicted in pictures during the credits at the end and include: sleeping with and engaging in all kinds of sex acts with dozens of hookers and strippers, getting naked, going to strip shows, marrying a stripper, stealing a tiger and a police car and doing various drunk pranks – usual and unusual – on a wild and very wasted night when they are also drugged out of their minds.

After watching the movie I spoke to four Indian men, asking them why they thought the film was so amazing and it is reaching cult status.

The answers from the men were:

A: “All my friends are saying to me ‘Let’s go to Vegas before we get married’ and do the same as those men. What those guys did- as shown in the photos is a fantasy for every guy.

B: “We are watching something we can never do themselves and every guy wants to escape for a bit.

“Maybe it’s also because we have no tradition of bachelor parties, like this. We may have something like that now, but guys getting together and going to another city? No. Where would we go? Islamabad? Kabul?

C: This is about four guys who have always dreamt of sex, drugs and alcohol, but never done it. What they did for one night in Las Vegas represented their repressed feelings – it was actually the best night any of them  had – this is something Indian men can relate to. It represents s every guy’s fantasy. Every guy secretly wants to do what they did.

D: “Heather Graham would be welcomed by most men.”

So, having listened to my focus group enlighten me on the Mars species, here are my queries to the Cosmos:-

1. Why is it that men’s deepest fantasies are about sleeping with dozens of different women in one night?

2. Why do men associate “being wild and having a wild time” with being with other men and not with being with women?

3. Why were all the men in serious relationships/about to get married or married in the flick portrayed as somehow trapped and unhappy in that relationship? The women, in fact, were portrayed as attractive, yes, but bores/not able to fulfill men/’things’ they needed to escape from.

4. Do Indian men have bachelor parties/stag nights or is this a uniquely western concept?

These are my thoughts on my queries.

1. If I was to tell you my deepest, darkest fantasy…..honestly-speaking….. it is not me sleeping with 12 different men, going to a strip club and getting naked. Nor is it getting so wasted I forget what happened. Nor is it getting sloshed and stealing a police car. My deepest fantasy, and here I admit it on the worldwide web, is basically this: spending time with one man that I love, possibly sitting in a jacuzzi or a spa, sipping champagne , possibly in Barbados, and chatting to him as he wanders past. I’m afraid that is as sordid as it gets. My fantasy is being with ONE man, who I find attractive and enjoy the company of – who is intelligent – and I’m sitting in a Jacuzzi feeling relaxed and he is nearby in a bath robe. Now, perhaps I should see a psychiatrist to get that psycho-analysed. Perhaps I am meant to fantasise about stealing a tiger and watching a male stripper,  an marrying a complete stranger …..  but I don’t.

I spoke to a close Indian male friend about this and he said: “Naomi, you don’t get it. Men and women are different. Men are genetically made to sleep with hundreds of different women…In fact they are biologically made not to stick with one woman and although few men would readily admit it, that film The Hangover depicted every guy’s fantasy. Even happily married men harbour such fantasies, although they may not do anything about them. This explains why there is so much rape by men, rather than the reverse. Every man get sbored of having sex with all women after some time…even if he thinks he has found his soulmate, he will get bored of her.”

I then told him about my humble little fantasy  – the Jacuzzi one…and he asked me (sincerely) “Who is the guy in that? Is it a stranger or someone you know.” “It’s someone I know well and love,” I replied. “That’s the difference between men and women,” he concluded.

So there it was given to me on a plate: women are homemakers and men are hunters and gatherers who need to spread their sperm.

I just don’t get why God invented the idea of man and woman being together as we seem so very different. Not just that but who or what invented the concept of marriage?

According to the same close friend, no man wants to be in marriage – and that is what the Hangover kind of says too…But men kind of end up getting hitched out of some weird social obligation and then remain forever trapped. (That must be why there are so many books for women with titles like How To Catch a Man and Trap Him….)

2. What would have been nice would have been a film about four men who go off on a wild weekend to Las Vegas with their wives/partners/fiancées – and the eight couples gamble, go to strip clubs, steal police cars, get wasted, and sleep with each other (I mean with their partner not partner swapping) and return home having had the weekend of a lifetime with their partner and friends and friends’ partners. …..

Why can’t men have a wild time with women? Why is spending time with women compartmentalised in men’s minds as “not wild and not fun”? But rather a duty or chore…(In the film the teacher is elated at the prospect of getting away from his beautiful wife and kids saying he “hates his life” One guy describes marriage as a “folly”….. )

My fantasy would be to spend a wild weekend in Vegas with my boyfriend, not without him .I have never fantasised about going to Vegas or anywhere with four female friends and picking up men…(In fact I associate doing anything with just women as a chore and a duty…..and prefer men to be present…Am not at all keen on hen nights.)

3. Am I the only person on the planet doing this? Is everyone fantasising about doing things without their partner? If you can’t enjoy time with your partner, what is the purpose of the partner? It reckon it’s true that women on the whole think about men more than men think about us. A male lover probably pops into a woman’s mind every 10 minutes – whereas she might pop into the man’s mind once a day..if that. If he has work to do he will focus on that whereas a woman will let thoughts of her partner distract her from work ..

4. Do Indian men have stag parties like the one depicted in The Hangover? I went on a stag night at a Hindu Indian wedding once.  The bride wasn’t there; plenty of women were. We all drank a lot in the basement of the Executive Enclave Bandra and smeared the man’s face and body in something (henna?) then he was carried off somewhere and I collapsed. It was nice. But I’m not sure whether stag nights exist in India whereby say five to 10 men fly somewhere like Amsterdam, get drunk, hang out in the red light district, and then play a prank on the groom and leave him naked in the road…?

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  • shruti

    I didn’t think too deeply into what ‘messages’ the movie was conveying, but I have to say this: the movie was total paisa-vasool. The plot was great to begin with, the mad characters (esp. Allan) and their madcap antics were side-splitting and my friends and I barely resisted an ‘Ooooooh’ every time Phil came on-screen.
    I am not surprised to hear that it has become a huge hit – any movie which has its audience in splits right from the start deserves no less.
    So it’s not just the guys who loved it, the girls loved it to pieces too (atleast my gang did).

    [Reply]

    Naomi Reply:

    Every movie has a message, man. That is the point of art.

    Fashion : – Page 3 world and modelling world is shallow and you end up getting exploited and depressed
    Dostana – Being gay is cool and people shouldn’t be prejudiced against gays
    Black – People with Alzheimers are real people inside and need to be loved
    Rang De Basanti – follow yourself and your ideas and do what you believe in
    Grease – Men prefer a woman who is wild and sexy to a housewifey type
    So, why should The Hangover be any exception? Same applies to plays, music and poetry.

    [Reply]

    Deb Reply:

    I guess you used the movie just to get the conversation moving, which is great. I haven’t seen the movie, but regardless. From my perspective (married in mid-90s), what you say is mostly true, except for stag parties which may not be too prevalent. ‘Trapped’ may be a harsh word – after all, we walk into it with our eyes open, expecting something in return (you may be quite surprised to know what many/most men want ‘in return’). And it’s mostly social respectability and the veneer of ’stability’ that most men may be after – reportedly, married men had a higher probability of rising up the corporate ladder, except in some creative professions like advertising and fashion design.

    After a point, the paths tend to diverge. And men who haven’t probably kept their social networks (with other men, that is) open all this time may start feeling ‘trapped’ or ’suffocated’ or ‘exploited’ or whatever. Thing is, divorce still being quite socially unacceptable in most social circles, many men tend to keep their desires down & plod on shouldering their social responsibilities. In such a situation, it may only be natural that (at least some) men may be fantasising about wild escapades. For many this may not at all be about sex, but about getting someone to at least hear them out, to be at the same wavelength, empathetic.

    Some women (other than wives, that is) can fulfil this need for men. And, contrary to popular perceptions about platonic relationships, a man and a woman can become the best of friends. But here’s the catch: Indian society (including the wives) tends to look at such relationships through a certain prism, branding them in a pejorative way sooner or later. So what options have (many) men got but to hang out with other men, sharing their fantasies. Thankfully, it hasn’t come to a pass here in India where men hanging around with men are wrongfully perceived as gays (and, come to think of it, that may have its advantages, a la ‘Dostana’!).

    [Reply]

    ankur kakkar Reply:

    hi,

    i think it should the responsibility of cinema and theatre should be to maintain a balance of both entertainment and educating society as aamir khan once said…

    now, people love watching akshay kumar’s movies once in a while, but u cant really expect them to carry a social message, at the same time you need movies like taare zamein par which highlight societal issues ..

    [Reply]

    A V Koshy Reply:

    I have not seen the movie.

    Every person wants recognition. ‘Men’ prefer it from their peers. ‘Women’ prefer it from their ‘Men’.

    I have put ‘Men’ and ‘Women’ in quotes to distinguish them from present-day aberrations, where the dividing line between men and women is getting abused.

    The quintessential “Male” descends from the hunter-gatherer-wants-to-spread-sperm lineage. Likewise, the quintessential “Female” descends from the homemaker-keeper lineage. Give a baby girl, guns and trucks to play with and give a baby boy, dolls and stuffed toys. Both the baby boy and the baby girl will restructure their toys to their natural instinct.

    I guess that explains the actor’s antics in the movie.

    As to why men bond with men and feel suffocated with women, it is probably because of the hard-wired DNA of either gender. And the present day experimentation of live-ins, women soldiers, public display by effeminate males etc. are part of an evolving civilization trying to come to grips with the forces that threaten this hard-wired DNA.

    varsha Reply:

    this hunter gatherer theory is getting really jaded now…Some extremist evolutionary theorists put it out there and now everyone keeps parroting it without any thought..

    …there are certain differences between men and women……but lets not keep abusing this hunter-gatherer theory to suit every purpose…we are not cave people anymore!!!!! dont forget that the institutions of marriage and monogamy stem from religions, all of which were written by men….If they were so into spreading their sperm why would they create the very institutions that shackle them?

    KJSS Reply:

    Naomi,

    I do agree with you and have the same opinion. I have noticed in my surroundings that mostly people do not agree with this point of view. I have, sought of, reached to a conclusion that only those people agree with this POV who consider failures also as the stepping stones to achieve their final goals.

    By the way I would like to know your comment/opinion about the movie “Love Aajkal”

    [Reply]

  • Hradayesh

    Why do you like the things you like so much?

    [Reply]

  • Abhishek

    Well wht we have here a very true in-depth description about the men’s state of mind but the question is how many women would actually understand it.

    I guess we are hooked on a very thin line here.

    I haven’t seen the movie & now its not in cinema anymore (Not here in Dubai) but it was on fav list just after watching a trailer while i went to see another film.

    [Reply]

  • vikram

    ooh com’on dont read much into the stupid movie. I mean people like horror movies and serial killer movies too which does not mean that they want to imitate that in real life. its just a paisa vassol time pass for 1-2 hrs thats that. and i somehow dont buy the argument that woman are just incapable of at least fantasising about doing all those things.

    [Reply]

    shruti Reply:

    exactly my point

    [Reply]

    Naomi Reply:

    What does paisa vassol mean?
    Also here is a culture difference. I dont do “time pass” . In fact, I don’t get the point of “time pass.”….everrthing should have some purpose? Who wants to spend their life in “time pass”? I would rather everything I did fulfilled a goal or purpose…I never came across that phrase until I got to India….How come some people have so much time on their hands? I dont, but if I do socilaise it is with meaning – like doing something interesting that will improve my general knowledge or it is to get to know my friends better or discuss a specific topic..Its never mere time passing….

    [Reply]

    Raju Reply:

    Paisa Vassol means Got Money’s Worth.

    Aren’t we all passing time.

    What would happen if you don’t know your friends better.

    What purpose your activities have achieved?

    Surely all this socialising has not achieved your goal of marriage or Love

    [Reply]

    Naomi Reply:

    Thanks Raju, for making me feel like Bridget Jones in India.

    ….What has ‘it’ achieved?

    Well, great intellectual stimulation (thus intellectual satisfaction) and emotional fulfillment to some extent – the extent that hanging out with deep, analytical, intellectual friends can bring….
    But you are right. It has not brought marriage or love. Except the love from family, friends and cats. There is a proportion of emotional fulfilment missing.

    So, I pose a question: Were I to ‘time pass’ more – would that achieve what is lacking? And what kind of “time passing” would you suggest?

    shruti Reply:

    If you don’t ‘do time-pass’, why go and watch a movie like Hangover? For the intellectual stimulation? If that movie is not timepass, I can’t imagine what is.
    I completely understand your perspective about doing something meaningful with your time, but I suppose we can just switch off and relax once in a while. Just not using your mind and enjoying mindless comedy can be quite a release.
    If you are so keen on finding a message in that movie, I would say it is about these guys who break free of the shackles of their regular lives and indulge themselves for a day before going back to the old grind. But it would be unfair to say it’s only the stuff of male fantasies; everyone wishes to let their hair down sometimes.

    [Reply]

    rakesh Reply:

    this is the difference in attitudes.we also have an englishman as our boss and he also used to lothe about our timewasting habits.after more than a year with us,you can spot him wasting time in corridors and gossiping.may be you also will learn to ‘time pass’ after some time in our company(Indians).

    [Reply]

    Bhadresh Reply:

    While it seems like Naomi here needs to learn to relax… apart from the relaxation she gets from her intellectual stimulation ( I fully understand what u mean by tht, Naomi),

    Rakesh, u seem to be proud of a fact tht u should be ASHAMED of…. and u have the audacity to think tht ALL INDIANS are like u and, above all, “proud” of wasting time…

    “time pass” and “wasting time” are 2 very different concepts…

    Wasting time when u should be working (remember somebody else is paying for ur time), and expecting, and worst of all, encouraging others to do the same?? A VERY DISGUSTING AND SHAMEFUL THING TO DO…

    “TIME PASS” in ur FREE time…. when u are supposed to unwind and relax… tht u are allowed, and is ur right…

    Honestly, Rakesh… Are u a Government employee?? Indian, or any other… doesn’t matter… Tht wud explain – but not justify – ur attitude…

    Pls keep Indians, and other ppl, OUT OF UR GENERALIZATIONS…

    Saurav Ganguly Reply:

    lol everything does not have to have a reason. You get your most work done when you are relaxed not actively trying to find the meaning in everything till you make yourself a nut case. The Hangover is supposed to be a release when you go with friends. Not everything is about one’s own self and not everything involves using one’s mind. Let go for once and your mind wil become stronger and more intelligent. I personally hate these intellectual kinds, most are pseudo. If they are the real intellectuals they would let their work talk and not hangout in cheap bars smoking ciggarettes, drinking and “acting” knowleagaeble. Pseudo intellectuals are constantly trying to find the meaning of life atleast thats what they say. I believe however that they are not confident enough to get a job and keep it and overall be normal.
    Just breathe and let it go.
    Men like to flirt and women like men who flirt. Why should it be any other way. Its whats going since Men and Woman exist.

    [Reply]

    Hradayesh Reply:

    @ Naomi

    It’s disturbing to know your views on “time pass”. If every single action of yours is guided by some goal/purpose, then what is the difference between you and a robot? I strongly urge you to go through this speech by Steve Jobs to the Stanford’s class of ‘05 (http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html). You may even watch this on youtube. One of the things he talks about is connecting the dots. He gives a very specific example from his own life to illustrate the point that one can only connect the dots looking backwards. Many a times you just do something without any practical purpose in mind. It’s human. The very fact people indulge in “time pass” activities without any obligation or expectation of future gains makes them very special. I can recall having having the most stimulating discussions during my undergraduate days while doing time pass with my friends at the chai stall. I don’t think they were a waste of time.
    May be if, for a while, you indulge in some time pass you might be able to find love as well.

    [Reply]

    Rahul Reply:

    Hi Naomi,

    You have explained the movie very beautifully.

    I thing you need to relax . You are taking life too seriously. There are many things that we do but that doesn’t mean all off it should carry some meaning.
    Also you are absolutely right that a movie should always have a message. And thats what it is every director has in his mind before starting to make any movie , he has some centre idea or a message which he wants to portrait. Without which he cannot make a movie.

    “The Hangover” is a comedy with slightly higher adult content and it is meant for making people laugh thats what the message is. Also its true that GOD has made men like this only.
    The director has shown the fantasy of many men. Even Brad Pitt who has a most beautiful woman in the world cannot keep his off other woman’s BUTT.

    [Reply]

  • Vijay

    hi naomi,

    your blog makes for a very interesting read.I think i will be in a minority here as i didn’t really enjoy the

    movie.trust me, i love the occasional “keep-your-brains-aside” movie and on those same lines,absolutely loved movies like the

    40-year old virgin,Knocked up,forgetting sarah marshall,role models(all of whom happen to be jude appatow movies by

    BTW).there was something which made me wince and cringe about the movie (I can’t put my finger on it,but i think i might be

    getting more mature..in which case i should give the good news to my girlfriend immediately :-) )

    here’s my take on your questions:

    1.i have to admit my ideal Fantasy lies pretty much on the same frequency as yours(yeah! guys,bring on the Hate mail)

    .basically spend time with a fun-loving woman,talk and listen about that book,that album,that vacation,those pranks,that

    movie,that memorable meal,etc . for once ,keeping aside the whole man-woman polar-opposite theory,i think it comes down to

    what is the man’s life all about? i think it’s an indication of a pretty shallow life (or a complete lack of it)if the

    deepest fantasy involves doing it with multiple Women.i’m being no saint here,trust me i’d like to end that ideal date by

    tearing up some el toro grande’s (google it) ,however in my case it would be something like el toro medium) but seriously,i

    think your Martian Focus group is way off the mark here :-)

    2. i think i’ll be redeeming some points with the guys here..i think by nature women are thinkers.i mean it’s hard to find a

    pause button in women as far as thinking goes which leads to the endlessthe talking.we guys on the other hand can go a long

    time without actively using those brains cells and just be in the moment which makes “having a wild time ” easier with the

    other guys.i mean look how a silly movie raised such intense questions in your mind :-)

    3. i think in serious relationships particularly marriages,Power becomes an issue sooner or later,irrespective of whether

    there is love or not.guys might feel suffocated and feel the need for escape due to not being able to excercise their inbuilt

    need to showcase that power,infact they are on the receiving end of the power weilded on them by their Better halves (eg:-

    the story in the movie about the dentist dude) on the other hand ,quite simply ,Plain boredom might be the Sole reason.

    4.In india ,i guess rather than the whole last day as a free man/woman ,a bachelor party becomes just another excuse to get

    sloshed.a very good reason,though :-)

    [Reply]

  • Naomi

    XYZ. I need your insights on this blog, please.

    [Reply]

    XYZ Reply:

    First explain to me this: “It’s someone I know well and love,” I replied” Now what is that supposed to mean??? I thought you were single and ready to mingle. Who is he? Where is he? Since when have you two been going around???
    Repond moi! Maintenant! Tout suit!

    [Reply]

    Rajeev Yadav Reply:

    Watch out Naomi you got competition!!
    xyz the beautiful hermaphrodite of delhi seems to be deeply interested in your boyfriend,who knows what g/ay designs he might have for your boyfriend.Just look at the kind of personal questions he asks you on the world wide web as if you are his gal pal or saheli as we say in hindi.

    Naomi please include xyz in your hen nights in the future,he or should I say she is very pretty & cute and loves to chat and gossip,she will ask you questions regarding your lovelife and offer you girly advice.Just keep her at an arms distance around your boyfriend.

    [Reply]

  • Raju

    I don’t know how you can get achieve your goal. But going steady may help.

    But I don’t agree with your blog.
    Men and Women are not all that different.
    Men also want to get married and have a family. Women also just want to have fun with Studs.
    What do you want Naomi – marriage or studs?

    [Reply]

    Rajeev Yadav Reply:

    There is nothing secret about this fantasy of men you talk about,atleast not in my case.Its reality.

    I must be honest in acknowledging the fact that I get fairly easily distracted on a regular basis,I have also been told that I have the attention span of a lightening bolt.

    I love women.All kinds of them,from 20 to 60.There have been times when I have got turned on by conventionally not good-looking women,who would easily get classified in less than flattering terms as “ugly” and over the hill.I fancy older women like Helen mirren as well who I reckon will revolt the sensibilities of most Indian men.I cant help it,thats just the way I am.

    I guess I can safely say that I am not the serious,committed,long-term relationship,marriage loving type of guys,and its not because I have not found the one true love of my life,but because I have noticed the fact that I loose interest very easily and very early in most women,if not all.

    [Reply]

    XYZ Reply:

    Now yadav, let me paraphrase it for people who don’t know you or what you mean (and most have no interest in what your preferences are anyways). So here goes:

    “The things you talk about are no big deal, I do them everyday, just not in person but in my fantasies as thats all I’m capable of (apparently, no decent woman would even want to come close to me to do all that. Ok make that NO woman would come close to me at all [I admit I smell bad])
    I must be honest in acknowledging the fact that even if the woman is naked in front of me, I find it hard to keep and or rather put on an erection and I have been told I can hold only for a few seconds for the rare moment I have been able to get one!
    I like all kind of men, (well women are hardly interested in me), so what can I do, I have to make passes at 60 year old women who come to mother’s house! I admit to masturbating to Dame Helen Mirren’s pictures as thats all I can afford due to my dysfunctional penis/erection problems. I also do admit to getting turned on by jail baits and transgenders who I reckon will revolt the sensibilities of the average call centres going-Gurgaon dwelling mor/on like me. Most of the girl who give-in to me are ugly (read almost look like a man) even by the most liberal views. But I just can’t help it, I’m just that way (did you notice **** say this the most?).
    I guess I can safely say that not a single women has gone serious with me due to two dysfunctional organs that I have – I can tell, you one of them is the brain (nudge nudge wink wink). Therefore, the question of me being in a committed, long-term relationship or for that matter in a marriage does not even arise. It’s not only because I’m complete loser but also that the few women who ever looked at my face (btw, FYI, I have a receding hairline) lost interest in me faster than you can say ‘mo/ron’.”

    [Reply]

    Rajeev Yadav Reply:

    hey boy george I see that you are still around spanking the monkey at 03:24 am,go watch bruno you Wank.er,movies like the hangover are not for half and half’s like you.

    XYZ Reply:

    Down with er weapons already, joe? Oh sorry, I forgot you can’t even get it up, right?

    Rajeev Yadav Reply:

    you are now beginning to bore me,you repeat what I say about you,and you clearly shiver at the prospect of meeting me coz I will beat the **** out of you,you have my number, so if you wanna thrash things out gimme a call or else stop wasting my time troll.

    one more thing male slu/t,you need to produce enough testosterone to talk about weapons,she.males like yourself should be concerned with their a/nal bleaching sessions.

    now listen pretty androgenous boy I am willing to do you for the gorgeous well preserved lady.boy that you are,just gimme your number,or else call me since you already have my number and email id.I cant wait to throat f/uck you and see your trolling motormouth bobbing up and down my joystick.so long ga/y boy.

  • http://www.solitarynotes.wordpress.com Swati Thampan

    Totally Agreed!!!! And one question I do have to all the men in the world is that if you re so “scared” of marriage and commitment and want to hav sex with a million women!! Then why on earth are there so many “self referenced” male profiles on those matrimonial sites! Does that mean men ACTUALLY WANT to get married?? Martians are SOOOOOO confused LOL!!! at least we know what we want!!!

    [Reply]

  • Soutiman

    I must say men are men are most likely to give an honest answer to the query, “What is your wildest fantasy?.” rather than women.

    (On a lighter note) So if a woman actually wants to say: “I would like to go on an expensive vacation with a rich idiot who’ll buy me diamonds and foot every other expense” .. she will very likely answer: “I would like to spend time with a special someone who’ll admire the sunset with me …blah blah blah.”

    Food for thought: An American critic, commentator, and author Alexander Woollcott had said: “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.”

    [Reply]

    rakesh Reply:

    I feel we should not think so deeply about the subject.Even if a women tries her best to fulfill all the fantasies of a guy,he will stick his neck out sooner or later.Its quite normal,and we are not to be blamed for that.If existence wanted the male species of Homo Sapiens to be like that,we are like that only.Just enjoy the levels of creativity we add on this compulsion.

    [Reply]

  • KJSS

    Well Naomi,

    I beg to differ with the whole lot of people (men and women both) who not only think and believe but also practice the adage “Men are from Mars and women from Venus” in their real world. In fact, these people have observed in the society ONLY women being categorized as homemakers and men being ‘free spirits’- who do not bother to have a home! I must say that it is a squinted or myopic observation.

    I think, if the nature of men being hunters and gatherers who need to spread their sperm could be THOUGHT of as their natural ANIMAL INSTINCT then I am bent to reach to a conclusion logically that the nature women being “home makers” is also ANIMAL INSTINCT! You will agree that it is always the female species in the animal kingdom who decides on whom to pick-up for procreation from the lot on the basis of “certain parameters” that will make her off-springs to survive best. I think it is this simple reason which makes me to believe that the same instinct has made the women to be home makers. These parameters have changed over a period of time for women; that she wants to procreate with that man who can provide a better HOME. So, wishing to have better home on woman’s part and willingness and capacity to provide a home on man’s part, I think, is WHAT MAKES BOTH OF THEM AS HOME MAKERS IN THE TRUE SENSE right from the beginning. I will not hesitate to say that it was the man ‘who really took the initiative to start a home’ because he not only felt the woman’s wishful thinking of having a home but also recognized and understood the necessity to have one.

    Those parameters are changing in the successive eras BUT THE MOTIVE BEHIND THOSE PARAMETERS IS THE SAME AND WILL REMAIN SO TILL ETERNITY!
    To make a comment on sexual fantasizing, I would like to site an example of a question being asked by some one and its answer from your HT site. The questioner has asked that he has this fetish of ogling at girls who have well rounded and hot butts. He can’t resist it and if he notices some one on the road with a prominent butt, he just stares at her till she is off the site. He admits that he is married and has children too and that this is a bad habit. The answer to this question was given as follows. A large majority of males and females too have this habit. Neither is it bad nor good. It’s just a habit that can be traced back in our genetic evolution. Men are attracted to well toned female butts as they sub consciously tell them that physically a woman has very good chances of bearing your child and hence a good catch. Women like well toned butts of men for different reasons. During hunter gatherer days it was a sign that the man is physically fit and can hunt and bring food for the family. We have become civilized but our animal instincts keep bothering us. So from now on whenever you are inordinately attracted to someone with great behind just remember your caveman instincts are at play. Enjoy it.

    So I think, fantasizing about anything related to sex is as natural to men as aspiring to have A HOME. I am sure not only you but many won’t believe in the second part of this statement.

    [Reply]

    varsha Reply:

    i do agree to a large extent with what you said…not completely agreed coz all these are theories at the end of the day and we cant be hundred percent sure what we are saying is completely correct..but this men are from mars women are from venus is a reall bullshit theory

    [Reply]

    KJSS Reply:

    Varsha thanks for your comments and agreeing with my point of view to a large extent– however, I did not get what exactly you want to convey by —– “not completely agreed coz all these are theories at the end of the day and we cant be hundred percent sure what we are saying is completely correct”

    Well, I read your another comment—“do not forget that the institutions of marriage and monogamy stem from religions, all of which were written by men….If they were so into spreading their sperm why would they create the very institutions that shackle them?” I must say that you have drawn the attention to very genuine point to ponder and it is quite thought provoking!!!

    [Reply]

  • varsha

    you would want to spend one night in a jacuzzi with your lover..ok…thats your fantasy,but answer some questions

    1. for how long have you known that “lover”? for a few months or for years?
    2. Is the lover in your fantasy an attractive sexy guy, or an average or nerdy dude with whom you can have deep intellectual conversations on history and geography.
    3.Have you never fantasised about strippers? …..really?
    4. Is your boyfriend the only man you fantasise about? …really?

    Women would rather be with one man at one time than with multiple men..agreed, but women do have sexual fantasies that have nothing to do with their husbands/ boyfriends….plus there are quite a few women I am acquainted with who seem very badly stuck and suffocated in their marriage

    men and women are really not that different …except for the number of parters ..I guess for every 5 women that men fantasise about, women have atleast 2 guys who they would like to sleep with…………i think

    [Reply]

    Sumit Reply:

    Very well said varsha!
    Just to highlight.. Its amazing to see a gal coming out with such response..

    Nyways, Yeah Gals do have fantasies which they generally don’t share and Men are blamed for all the wrong doings in the world!
    I can smell the same from this blog by Naomi’s

    [Reply]

    varsha Reply:

    Well, ive noticed that mostly men respond to this blog, atleast to this posting…maybe bcoz the movie is about men…..and I am sure a lot of men in their late 20s and 30s would find parts of the movie immature and a lot of young girls would find it fun to do..its more a question of age really rather than gender…

    [Reply]

  • Gibreel

    Didn’t really like the movie. Expected a laugh riot, but did not laugh. No the tiger scene was not funny. Baby’s hand ….. it was not cute. Drugged? As much as I have my share of the fun, I would like to remember the good time I had.

    Thoughts:
    Responsibilty. ‘Mating’ (primate word) comes with a baggage. Call it unfortunate or fortunate. Sex is taking responsibilty for what comes next (most of the cases). As much as hyped by the charachter Barney (how i met your mother), it simply doesen’t happen. Where in this world can you simply go ahead and say (man or woman) ‘I just want to have …………’ Fill in the blanks, That’s your fantasy! Fantasy is a once in a life time accurance, if it does at all.

    What you mentioned Naomi is something very real. Can happen for all the days/weekend of your life, if you are blessed. It’s indeed a very pretty picture, but its not a fantasy.

    [Reply]

  • S

    To be fair, Men like the Girls Gone Wild Series as well!

    [Reply]

  • Amit

    One can have more than one deep fantacy – so romancing could also be one of the fantacies. Besides dont you think your making this a tadd to emotional.

    [Reply]

  • Mick

    Naomi

    you have gone to live in one of the most represive countries in the world regarding what young people can and can’t do. Films like “Hangover” are part of the reason for that. But coming from England you should know that A. it was a typically over the top rubbish American film. and B. your idea of a fantasy went out of fashion about 40yrs ago, well here anyway I mean champainge.
    Now I’m off to feed me Tiger and polish the police car.

    [Reply]

  • zenith

    Naomi.. GREAT post, very well covers almost all facets of men are from mars, and women from venus…..
    there’s this thing you see ( i think..) men have fantasies, it’s possible even after marriage about other women, and all men, may be, would want to do all that these 4 did in the movie.. and i consider it to be normal.. hell why not! Men are crazier and more adventurous and frankly it’s seen as quite acceptable by society for men to be like that.

    I ask you, who stops you? girl or boy, man or woman do want you want to do, period.
    men do what they feel like because they dont think too much about it, women on the other hand do TOOOOO much thinking, and that’s a dam sad fact, we have to admit it. Before i was married, i had a wild time with my girl friends ( highly recommended) we never picked up guys at a bar, but played a regular tease and often laughed about it for days, guess what i’m a chick, i do that. if i had a bachelorett party for a friend, i’d do it all myself, not sleeping around for sure, that is not soo cool. ( i understand it is for boys and so be it)

    I’m a married woman, my husband and i share all kinds of things, he’s had a wild time in his life and he knows so have i. If he had to make a crazy confession to me that he fantases of other women, he can bloody well expect me to have them too, and he knows that! I woulnt be pissed ( I would be mad), I guess I’ll understand coz it’s quite normal for any one’s mind to have a slip here and there ( by which I don’t mean an extra marital affiar – that leads to bye bye)

    I’m not a woman who waits for a man to show me a good time, i can very well do that my self with my girl friends, thats probably why he doesn’t mind doing all these crazy things with me;) coz I’m fun too. Yay! so i guess when we go crazy in vegas and tuck dollars in stripper’s thongs, she might be sitting on my lap.. ahahha.

    [Reply]

  • Mick

    Naomi

    Further to my reply yesterday, you have raised in a roundabout way the subject of sex again in as I said earlier one of the most repressive countries regarding sex and young people, so what I would like to do is go back to your blog ” What I like about India” in it you mention that here a 12yr old had become a father and if I remember right the mother was 15. You went on to say that that would never happen in India, or rather as far as you knew it didn’t happen there.
    Naomi do you know what Dowry murders are, if you do then just imagine what would happen to a pair of teenagers who got bored with their phones, ipods or whatever.

    [Reply]

  • Raju

    I do not understand how average number of women a man has slept with is usually twice the number of average number of men that women has slept with.

    Clearly in such surveys women lie.

    Women are as promiscuous as Men.

    [Reply]

  • Anil

    Women pretend to be good men pretend to be bad..otherwise both fo them have same urge of doing it with as many as they can with their dignity intact.

    [Reply]

  • ashish

    hey naomi…im new to ur blogs n was reading a few reviews ur fans sent…..were u really talking bout the movie more or the way men n women think?i reallyliked to read ur views about both sexes n the way they think…but ur fans were more commenting on the movie.yeah ur right men n women dont fantasize the same way..n yeah ur friend was right too probably how mean i may sound but God has made us like that.But just one personal observation that i wld like to tell….most of the happily married men i know who have a great love life with their partners are themselves biggest flirts.if their nature of wandering outside subsides , so does their love at home

    [Reply]

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    [Reply]

  • Shalaka

    Great Post, Awesome movie.

    Some movies, well, they’re just meant to be poor entertainment and nothing else. THis, i guess, is one of them.

    A rather obvious message might be : don’t misplace the groom.

    [Reply]

  • Pogo

    Who cares. Its a ****** movie. You like it you like it, you don’t, you don’t.

    I loved Ed Helm’s character. Good thing he sacked the wife at the end.

    A great film.

    [Reply]

  • http://shopdetective.wordpress.com/ Ninad

    Wonderful insights Naomi….The trouble stems from the fact that men are expected to impress women. Even women expect that and want their men to do it throughout life. Men get bored with impressing after some time and they seek solace in their guy friends whom they dont have to impress for anything.

    [Reply]

    Naomi Reply:

    You make a very good point..I hate women that are demanding of men, expect them to pay for everything, be chivalrous and so on and don’t consider what they are offering in return. Such attitudes by women are outdated…I think men want someone deeper and more real. I don’t believe that if a man goes dutch he has less respect for the woman, as some woman claim.

    [Reply]

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  • Maheep Taparia

    Pratibha ji me aapki youth team me shamil hona chahta hu, aap ek bar mere kaam ko dekhiye DESH SEVA ka mouka dijiye……………….

    [Reply]

  • Maheep Taparia

    Pratibha ji me aapki youth team me shamil hona chahta hu, aap mera kaam dekhiye or DESH SEVA ka ek mouka dijiye

    [Reply]

  • karthik

    Religion is also man made. :) .

    [Reply]

  • saleem khan

    he is not very nice to biharis, rarely mentions sir ali imam, hasan imam, mazhural haque and sir sultan ahmed, typica.

    [Reply]