Hindustan Times
Mumbai’s nightlife is making headway
No longer does my social life in Mumbai consist of: Page 3 parties at which my outfits and make-up are dwarfed by rich socialites Dropping into bars at which nothing happens and the same expats are propped there Drinking Americanos and eating brownies alone in coffee shop chains
Two events took place in the past two weeks that considerably improved my social life. One elevated Mumbai, the other elevated me - to a new super-new global cosmopolitan level.
1. Australian stand-up comedian Jonathan Atherton came to town and performed his show ‘Around the World in 80 Minutes’ in Mumbai.
Yes, the jokes were extreme. No, he did not tone them down for a “conservative” Indian audience. Yes, it was what we need as we need to laugh at ourselves and, in short, laugh. (Life here is tough.) He pushed the boundaries so far, that even the comments on my blog seemed tame in comparison.
His very first line on the stage? “I don’t believe Michael Jackson is dead.” And this was last Friday, the day MJ died. He even walked on the stage to an MJ track. ” I believe he died five years ago when his nose fell off the first time. That was the first sign.”
The gag did not stop there…
“I was in Singapore airport and I came across a free Michael Jackson guide to malt whisky, so I thought is this the same Michael Jackson? It’s not possible it’s the same guy because this guys claims a 12-year-old is better than an eight-year-old.”…(I remembered that joke on Saturday night when drinking a single malt.)
Ahemm…So I diligently took this all down in shorthand. My boss had asked me to file a list of gags for the following day’s paper. He said: “Just bear in mind this is India and HT is a family paper, so no jokes on sex, religions or swear words. The rest will be fine.” Err, right. So what was I left to file?….
Next on Atherton’s list: “I was told the best club in Mumbai is G-Spot.”
Ummm, I thought didn’t realised a new club had opened. And got vaguely excited. “I have spent all day looking for it but have not been able to find it.”
Uh, huh. I got the gag…..
“Women call it compromise. Men call it surrender. She wants the lights off. You want them off. You switch them off and wear night vision goggles.” Weird joke.
“I was staying with an Indian family and the woman went out for the day and left me with her two servants. When she got back she said “How was it?” and I said: “You have a great pair of knockers.”..(This was a joke on the word Hindi word naukri meaning servant, I felt proud to work out, since my Hindi is now improving.)
Then he moved on to ripping into the so-called Indian spiritualism….
“Indians are so spiritual. I was in Pune last year and I found out about the Osho ashram. I went to the book shop first and I gave the guy Rs100 for a Rs50 book and he didn’t give me any change. I said: “Where is the change, mate?” And the man said: “Change comes from within.”"
He made then jokes about Bihar, Sindhis and Sikhs, Americans, and Britons. Then moved on to jokes about a certain four-letter word commencing with ‘F’.
“F*** is the most productive word in the Australian vernacular,” he said.
“It has so many meanings. How have you f***ing been. F***ing great. What the F***. F*** that.” And continued on this particular joke for half an hour…I didn’t take it down in shorthand.
The Mumbai audience (80% Indian 20% expat) loved the show and he got a standing ovation….
The he did a Q &A. Question: “Is marriage normal?” Answer: ‘No, it’s governmental. In fact, it’s mental.”: The next day. Phone call at 11am. “What is this Naomi? We can’t possibly print this.” “But this was the toned down version….I left out the **** joke which went on for half an hour…It’s not me that wrote this….”
I love stand-up comedy. The best part was about this night was it created a talking point afterwards. We all did something different…we did not just prop ourselves at the bar…And we got to think about and talk about weird stuff, that one doesn’t normally discuss. It was a kind of stress relief. And it was intelligent humour.
2. A week ago for the first time EVER in India the BIG cinemas chain screened an opera performed at and by Glyndebourne opera house in the UK in Italian, at a Mumbai cinema hall.
It is very difficult to get tickets for Glyndebourne, I am told. There is a dress code of Black Tie and it is typically a place the Hooray Harrys and super elite go to in the UK.
The tradition is to take a picnic and sip champagne beforehand and, probably, during it.
Well, the event at Big Metro cinema, run by Adlabs, in south Mumbai wasn’t far off the Sussex experience.
I arrived late and gave the box office man Rs1,000. I was handed a posh black ticket in an envelope and then escorted inside where a red carpet waited me, cordoning me off from the ‘popcorn crowd.’ Waiters offered me wine, European cheese and olives. It made a pleasant change to that sickly machine coffee you normally get in metro cinema halls. Then I went inside.
La Cenerentola, based on the classic story of Cinderella, was screened on a cinema screen, sung in Italian. (A good story for India on how not to treat a servant and how wrong class distinctions are, by the way: Cinderella is the stepdaughter of the wicked Don Magnifico who forces her to work as a maid in his palace)
The film had English subtitles and seeing it in high definition with surround sound was almost better than seeing it live, since the cameras closely captured the faces of the actors, their emotions could be seen in their eyes…particularly noteworthy were the incredible facial expressions of Don Magnifico.
In the interval I drank more wine. Three hours later I headed home feeling embarrassed I had never been to the opera in the UK. I sent my parents a text saying: “Why didn’t you ever take my to Glyndebourne?”
In shock my mum immediately rang me up, wondering what had happened to her Glastonbury-going daughter. ” Is everything ok, dear?” She asked. “No I’m not I’m in a strop,” I said. “You never took me to Glyndebourne when I was a kid,” I continued reverting back to being a teenager - an impact my parents have on me- knowing full well that if my mum had ever suggested it, I would have said “How boring.”
“Well I’ll get your father to get us tickets when you are next here.”
I then gushed for half an an hour about what an amazing night it had been.
You see watching opera makes you feel good about yourself. You feel
as if you have ‘arrived.’
Whether you understand it or not, attending one (even in a cinema hall), makes you feel like you have been elevated to a new superior level -intellectually, spiritually and morally. You feel enlightened and lofty. It feels like time well spent. You want to discuss it with friends afterwards. You want to see another one. It’s memorable, unlike drinking coffee in a coffee shop chain.
(10 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)
Loading ...Posted by Naomi Canton on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Filed under Mumbai · Tagged coffee shop chains, Mumbai, Mumbai's nightlife, Page 3, Social life in Mumbai
G’Day Naomi.. I’m not a big fan of operas hence I have little knowledge of it. But I do enjoy standup comedies. There’s a guy called Russel Peters…Indo-Canadian. He’s awesome. His comedies are on youtube. He takes the mickey out of the Indian culture. He is also careful not to touch religion or politics. Another one I found out was an Indian teacher explaing the meaning of F–k. It also hilarious. I’m sending you the link. Have a go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr-22ZuJSm0
Cheers
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Still living in the world of illusions? drinking coffee could be equally memorable if you try to commemorate those moments. Anyways, it’s you life, your blog and your opinion. Good that you are finding things to keep urself happy in Mumbai.
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Naomi Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:59 am
Why am I “living in the world of illusions?…Please explain yourself, Pankaj..!
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Pankaj Reply:
July 4th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
that attending operas and high class drama shows is the real life. or maybe that’s your definition of life.
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Naomi Reply:
July 5th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Yes, well it is my life, What do you want me to do? Sit on the beach?? Sleep on the pavement? Take a local train? Drink from a chaiwallah. Im confused…For me attending a stand-up comedy or seeing an opera screend at the cinema is normal, not high-class.
Tickets for the comedy ranged from Rs300 to Rs1000 and the opera screening was rs1000. That is cheap compared to a live opera, where tickets start at Rs12,000 each. Although I must admit I did think twice
High-class would be:
getting tickets to see opera live at Glyndebourne, Sussex
Sitting in a box at Ascot
flying on a private jet
Eating at the Fat Duck in Bray
XYZ Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:30 am
Panky, I know what you mean, but I think these guys are raised as such. I mean, a section of our middle -class society, not exposed to forms of art other than cinema, tend to think that theatre and opera is for the upper class as the form of theatre we see today is wholely inprired from modern western threatre (and seems to have no traces of inspiration from our own nikkad-natak kinds). But, for obvious reasons, it may not be so for westerners. I mean, to us anything western may be high class (not so in reality in most of the cases) but to westerners everything western may not be high class. As you would see she has very articulatly pointed out the things she, a westerner, would deem high class (which our middle-class may not even know that it exists).
But I also see your point, while we, the middle-class may consider all this high class, to many of us it’s boring. I mean, as I had mentioned, some of my friends find such stuff utterly boring and too subtle for their consumption. Only the other day, there was a play at the Habitat Centre called Mahim Junction, I called up a friend of mine to see if he’d be interested to go and he said he was busy sipping coffee with other friends at CCD. After I ended the call all I could go was a parisian “Boffff!” which is an expression of contempt of somebody’s view or a shrug!
XYZ Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:44 am
Panky, I know what you mean, but I think these guys are raised as such. I mean, a section of our middle -class society, not exposed to forms of art other than cinema, tend to think that theatre and opera is for the upper class as the form of theatre we see today is wholly inspired from modern western threatre (and seems to have no traces of inspiration from our own nukkad-natak kinds). But, for obvious reasons, it may not be so for westerners. I mean, to us anything western may be high class (not so in reality in most of the cases) but to westerners everything western may not be high class. As you would see she has very articulately pointed out the things she, a westerner, would deem high class (which our middle-class may not even know that it exists).
But I also see your point, while we, the middle-class may consider all this high class, to many of us it’s boring. I mean, as I had mentioned, some of my friends find such stuff utterly boring and too subtle for their consumption. Only the other day, there was a play at the Habitat Centre called Mahim Junction, I called up a friend of mine to see if he’d be interested to go and he said he was busy sipping coffee with other friends at CCD. After I ended the call all I could go was a parisian “Boffff!” which is an expression of contempt of somebody’s view or a shrug!
Pankaj Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
aah it’s not about the MONEY. That way you cud probably try Kopi Luwak (coffee), which might cost you more than the 12k opera show.
Anyways as I said it’s your life and your blog, so it’s all your choice.
Tell me how drinking coffee can be memorable…please. I have drunk it 2 million times I reckon and not convinced any time was memorable..Describe a memorable one…then
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rakesh Reply:
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
pankaj probably means memorable experience while drinking coffee.wine drinking,per se can not be memorable unless you do something interesting alongwith.No?
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Naomi Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:51 am
Ya, I get what he means. But I haven’t had a memorable experience, ever in Mumbai, either of or while drinking coffee. My most memorable experiences to date in Mumbai for example have been
acting in a Bollywood film (see previous blog)
watching La Cenenterola at the Metro Big Cinema
interviewing Taufia Qureshi
interviewing a land rights activist from Ekta Parishad
interviewing the slumdog star kids (before any other media got there)
visiting various slums (NOT Dharavi)
The Smirnoff party at Taj Land’s End several years ago when that DJ from Heaven in London played John Digweed
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Pankaj Reply:
July 4th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
See still living in the world of illusions. Just interested in the high class stuff and of course slums are exotic for westerns. aren’t they?
Having a taste of the reality without dreaming about the world of illusion is always a great way to have a memorable experience with ordinary things in life.
Naomi Reply:
July 5th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Yes, slums are exotic for westeners because we don’t have them. I understand we did have them about 100 years ago but they were all demolished. Anytthing a country doesnt have is exotic…That’s why indians get so excited by skywalks and flyovers…(and I don’t…am not esp excited by the Worli Bandra sealink)
In the UK we love Indian music because it is exotic. Whenever a classical Indian musician plays at somewhere like the Barbican it is a sell-out..Same with Indian film festivals. I saw a fantastcic Satyajit Ray festival at the National Film Festival. India’s’ classical music, classical theatre/dance and arthouse cinema is celebrated in the west. It always sells-out. ‘Indianness’ is very much in there…same for saris and punjabi suits…bhangra music and Bollywood..it is all very cool.
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Pankaj Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Maybe only Mumbai folks get excited bout flyovers not every where in India.
Bwahahaha. Brilliant, if a bit bawdy, but what the heck. Takes an outsider to do s.th. as bold. Shame that work has taken over, haven’t managed to catch any of the comedy store stuff.
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Do you think they “got” the G-spot joke?
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Naomi Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:55 am
They definitely got that joke. That was tame, man. You should have heard the questions they posed in the Q&A section. They were well below the belt, assuming the organisers didn’t make them up…All kinds of weird sexual questions that Atherton had to think up witty answers to….What happene was in the interval the audience was invited to pose questions to Atherton anonymously and throw them in a bucket. Then he came on stage and answered them…there was….no holding back, I can tell you.
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I’m not much of an opera fan, but I like standup comedies. There’s an Indian-canadian called Russel Peters. He’s got some on youtube and I think he’s just hilarious. He takes the mickey out of Indian culture and is careful not to touch religion or politcs. BTW, its always good to sometimes laugh at ourselves and on some of our lifestyle practices. There’s another clip of an Indian standup comedian on youtube who explains the variety of ways in which the word F**k can be used. I can send the link if your readers want to hear it.
Cheers
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Making “head”-way? Giggle, giggle… wink, wink… Our nightlife definitely needs way more head.
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mst of his jokes were stolen…he didn’t even spare Osho…watch Osho’s use of the word f*ck on youtube…
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Naomi Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 am
Is that true? Most of the jokes were stolen?! So the f*** joke came from Osho originally????
Were you at the show? How did it compare with Rusell Peters?
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Rahul Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Yes, the f-word joke is actually from Osho, try his Ashram in Pune, it’s still popular there!
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quillism Reply:
July 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Dear Kunal
I would be EXTREMELY careful about allegations you make regarding someone’s professionalism. By falsely accusing Jonathan Atherton of ’stealing most of his jokes’ you have actually committed act of defamation which while only punishable under common law does open you up to being sued by our legal team. I have passed your remarks to them. Do not think you cannot be traced and the internet is anonymous, your email and many other personal details are freely available.
At this stage however, I will accept a fulsome apology and a promise never to repeat the libel.
Naomi - I suggest you remove his comment IMMEDIATELY because of the legal implications of hosting it on your blog. While we are good friends and it will not be taken further on this occasion, however as a journalist you will no doubt take pride and understand the importance of accuracy, truth and maintaining a libel- free blog.
As you know Naomi my team spend alot of time and money bringing over the world’s best comedians to Mumbai and I cannot believe for a second you are stupid enough to take the word of some retarded ****-knuckle with the intellect of a flea. Do you honest think my world class acts could reach the top of their profession and travel the globe entertaining thousands of people with ’stolen jokes’? Seriously…have you lost your mind?
Other than that, thank you for the review it was fair and balanced. Subjective comments on the quality of the act are always welcome, straightforward libel is not. I suggest a spot of blog housecleaning is in order.
Regards
Quill
Promoter - International Stand-up Comedy
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kunal Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Quill the promoter
You did great disservice to your comedian by posting on this website. Your action resulted in more traffic being diverted to it and more people reading your stupid comment. This will affect your sales.
Otherwise, I don’t resort to name calling, your comment speaks for your looney tunes. Wait, I will give you a counter-threat in my post - if I ever get a negative post from you on this website or any other, I’ll use my network to make sure you and your partners are not able to schedule any more shows in Asia or Australia. Anyways, I am keenly looking forward to see what you albino kids can do when you are not sitting continents away (except threaten people over the net)
Naomi and all readers, don’t worry a bit about the dumb f’s threat. Go to youtube and enjoy Osho’s discourse
Kunal
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Naomi, Have you read Osho? Have you visited Osho ashram? Are you spiritually inclined? Do you meditate? Have you tried Buddhism?
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Naomi Reply:
July 5th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Yes I am spiritually inclined. I have tried meditation, yoga, NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and cosmic ordering (now do you know what that is>>??!)
As for Osho, it doesnt appeal to me at all. I just think it’s too expensive and from what people tell me it is like a high-class resort inside, not what I imagine an ‘ashram’ should be like…Also not keen on wandering around in an orange robe I’m afraid.,
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Raju Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 8:52 am
True..Osho Ashram is way too commercial. But Osho had insights into spirituality that were unparalleled. What do you mean tried Meditation. Do you not Meditate regularly? Why not?
NLP, Cosmic Ordering are all New Age Jargon. Stick to Meditation.
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Naomi
I can not believe that you have reached the age you have without hearing the fat Lady sing, there are places other than Glyndebourne, even old LP’s of Wagner, your parents needed a clue as to what to add to your education otherwise it leads to the sort of problem that Phillip Larkin had with parents although he went on to explain they didn’t mean it but they still do it. It’s nice you can expand your culture level in India, but I bet if you could understand it it would be really boring and old fashioned. Perhaps you should listen to a chap called Pavarotti and a couple of his friends their names escape me just at the moment. Have you forgotten what passes for humour in England is very much a spin off of Australian humour, as in the latest bit of Australian foreplay goes with the immortal sweet nothings of “Brace yer self sheila”
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Opera and stand up comedies aside, I think Mr Bean provides the best humour!
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Deb Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
True. At least my 8-year old son thinks so (though his Dadu has prohibited him from watching the live versions due to occasional nudity, but he’s crazy about the animated series).
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what was the g-spot joke again?
is it
a place that is so difficult to find that it almost certainly doesnt exist?
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Naomi Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 2:09 am
Rajeev: A place that is difficult to find but did/does exist. The club had opened after all, so it exists; just he struggled to find it.
XYZ - hold on a second. You went to see a play called ‘Mahim Junction’ at the Habitat Centre??? What on earth was it about? I go past that exact junction every single day to work…and get harassed by beggars selling me books - normally The Secret; How to Lose Weight and How to Win Friends and Influence People.
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Unless someone has put it here already, I thought I would put in a correction. The reference to ‘knockers’ was not for ‘naukri’ (which means a job), but to ‘naukar’ (pronounced the same as ‘knocker’) which actually means a servant.
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Targeting certain bloggers on the BBC website has been happening for some while now…..it seems like the trend is catching up in here too….truly sad.
The f*** joke!! its been around for ages and done by a millions of comics. Even if Osho came up, which I highly doubt….so what?
And coffee can be special…….on a first date or with a friend you haven’t seen in years, not every Friday/Saturday night. I’d much rather go party on the weekend than sip coffee. If you really think that CCD is the pinnacle weekend entertainment…..well, you need to get out more.
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Are you miserable?
Why do you spend so much on entertainment?
If you were joyous you would not need entertainment.
You need to take spirituality seriously.
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Do they really pay you to write this stuff ???
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Funny article, and please post when such events happen
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Fun read. (Though I think, Naomi, your shorthand had a little trouble keeping up- i know i talk too quickly sometimes)
It’s great to divide opinion a little.. creates a talking point. But I really have to take KUNAL to task. My jokes are not stolen. The reference to Osho is interesting because I was made aware of his schtick by an Indian friend only recently, having performed my example of Australian vernacular for some years.
It’s true that we both parody the excessive usage of the F word in English, but in very different ways. Osho presents a grammatical deconstruction of the lexeme and its various inflections- very funny… I tell a story sans commentary (for about three and a half minutes, not half an hour!). Other than that there is very little in common. I suppose it’s an obvious topic.
The bulk of my show is related to my own life experience- true stories and anecdotal observation. I can assure you Kunal that I am neither a body snatcher nor a poltergeist.
Having got that off my chest, Id like to thank everyone who made it along to the shows. I ignored all warnings about ‘Indian conservatism’ and treated my audiences as world-wise open minded intelligent people with an ability to distinguish irony. My faith was not misplaced. After 12 trips to India over 25 years I was confident that Mumbaikers would bring their keen sense of humour to the gig.
It was an absolute blast and I hope to see you all again.
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Thanks, you come across as more civil than your promoter. I am sorry I do notice that my post says you ’stole’ from Osho, the difference you’ve outlined is quite clear. I think I have to apologise for saying something - the only meaning that can be construed from which was that you stole.
Other than that, I think you are quite funny.
Do try and change your promoter because his action did bring in good traffic to the website and the negative comments. Or at least send him to an online marketting workshop (and make a joke about it!).
All the best,
Kunal
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I was there for the jonathan show at sophia - it was entertaining and in parts very funny but I thought the content was more directed towards the expats in Mumbai or the more traveled / well read people. I could see a lot of people around me struggling to appreciate the “la” connection with Singapore or the Korea connection in the jokes. I agree it did give us something different to do for a change.
Not sure if you have seen Vir Das (the last set of shows were called “walking on broken das” I think. I saw him at the ncpa and thought he was outstanding too. His cracks were more local (local politics, local culture, local cineama, etc) so lots of people (especially the elderly in the audience) loved him. I thought that was different because an Indian was changing Mumbai’s night life or helping Mumbai’s nighlife make head way.
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