Hindustan Times
The curtain fall
I’ve been visiting a couple of acting schools for a story, and I couldn’t help but thank the good lord that I was there as an observer and not a student. From rolling across floors and whispering sweet nothings to a chair to pretending to argue like a married couple and watching an imaginary tree grow, the wannabe actors were made to do things that made me squirm in my seat at the thought of having to do the same.
But this wasn’t always the case. I once loved acting and the resulting attention and applause. I played the lead role in most of my school plays and lunch break games (I was always unanimously crowned the Prince in our inventive third grade game ‘Prince Prince’ where I triumphantly rescued many a fair damsel-in-distress.)
Some roles I played with relish, like the evil Shylock in our school’s adaptation of Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice. With my mushroom-cut hair powdered white, my metallic braces gleaming through the foulest grimace, and a fake knife glinting in the sun, I actually managed to frighten several first graders who ran away howling for their mommies!
Some roles I played with reluctance. As the gods would have it, I was switched from being the narrator (the most coveted part amongst us) to the lead role of Mother Mary in our Christmas school play. I’ll have you know that in those days, I bore closer resemblance to Shylock than Saint Mary, but in the name of creative liberty, my drama teacher insisted on the swap.
So in a wig that was apt for Rapunzel on a bad hair day and make up befitting a kathakali dancer, I lumbered on stage hand-in-hand with junior Joseph, whilst preventing the pillow that represented the unborn Jesus Christ from popping out before we reached Bethlehem. In the pregnant pause that ensued as I made my grand entry, I distinctly heard a suppressed laugh. I later found out that the culprit was my own mother. She had needlessly addressed the onlookers, “Hahaha…that’s …hahaha…my daughter.”
But it took Shakespeare’s greatest tragedy to get me stage frightened…for good. I had scored my biggest role till date - the lovely Juliet in Alyque Padamsee’s modern day adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. We rehearsed for months until it was my opening night. The auditorium was packed with celebrities, my extended family and all my friends. This was my time to bedazzle them with my acting prowess. From Shylock to Shakespearean swan. Things went smoothly, save for a wardrobe hitch or two.
We reached the climax. Romeo had just died and I was giving my final, heart-wrenching monologue. The audience held their breaths, yawns etc. I plunged the dagger in my stomach, and fell dead across the slain body of my lover. The audience erupted…..in laughter. No, no, no, I thought with my heart sinking. They’re supposed to clap, not laugh! Once backstage, my friends gathered around me for support. Why did everyone laugh, I asked, still bewildered. One of them whispered in my ear, “Coz dude, either you or Romeo farted.” WHAT?
Turns out, the tiny mike in my ear (which the sound engineer forgot to turn off) rubbed against Romeo’s chest as I fell on him, to produce a loud, lewd noise that the appreciative audience mistook for a gaseous problem. The next day, a city tabloid’s centerfold ran the following headline, “O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore fart thou Romeo?” And since that day, I have never stepped on stage again.
(7 votes, average: 4.71 out of 5)
Loading ...Posted by Tasneem Nashrulla on Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Filed under Mumbai · Tagged acting schools, climax, heart-wrenching monologues, Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, wannabe actors
LOL HOLY SHIT!! I am honestly having stomach pains from laughter. Awwww poor you!! But you shouldn’t give up on acting - on whatever scale that fits your schedule, do incorporate it into your life. Its its own reward. I know - easier said than done. But, I always feel sad when people just altogether stop exploring their talents.
P:S:: DId you actually kill Julius or the technician.
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Yes well it might seem hilarious now, but I was ready to do a real-life Juliet killing scene when the reviews came out the next day!
I do miss acting a lot, it was the one thing I thought I was really good at….I think its a bit to late to rediscover myself, although I do act in front of my mirror on occassion in front of an imaginary audience who dont howl with laughter in the climax!
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Awesome!
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Thanks!
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lol !!
Once again an amazing blog from you…..
Keep it up
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
*takes a bow*
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lol
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awwww…feeling so bad for you Tasneem…how could u let one incident spoil your future in acting…who knows this friday could have been the release of the next Tasneem Nashrulla starrer!!
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
hahha. I seriously doubt that Aman. I’ve had enough bad reviews to last me a lifetime!
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Ma’am, the art of farting on the stage has to perfected !!
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
So I’ve heard.
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A comic tragedy of epic proportions. Why does this remind me of the quintessential Mahabharata scene from Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron?
I bet you havent seen that movie. It was way before your time.
Oh I am 20 btw.
. Pity.
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
I have seen it. Twice.
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Ah, it was you! I had read Padamsee mention thsi story somewhere (probably in the HT). Now we got it from the horse’s mouth!
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Indeed. And so the mystery of the airy princess is resolved.
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Its funny but u shud not stop acting..it feels nice and since u enjoy it so much, do continue acting
Once i was the narrator of a comedy play , and since i knew what was cmg next, i laughed while speaking all my lines and before it. trust me, i turned out to be the biggest comic factor of that play…
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Tasneem Reply:
August 6th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
hahahaha. thats funny snigdha! I know what you mean by errors actually being worked into the play. I once played this clown in a Beauty and the Beast adaptation. I had to maky my entry on stage by running towards Beauty (after a serious confronational scene) and since I was wearing socks, I slithered and slipped by mistake. But everyone laughed thiking I was deliberately being funny!
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he he he, awww! What a comic, tragic end to an acting career. But anyhow, I just laughed after a long time. Would love to meet you sometime Tasneem…
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